Ynyshir

Ynyshir isn’t simply a restaurant, it’s something to be conquered. As the final boss of British dining, much myth and fable has been built around this Welsh wonderland - a place where an epic all-nighter meets a 30 course tasting menu in a setting that does little to dispel the Viking lore, what with the numerous animal pelts, heavy hide curtains and the presence of an onsite blacksmith. 

Located on the west coast of Wales (closest neighbour: an RSPB nature reserve), Ynyshir is remote, but getting there isn’t the hardest part. That would be saving up £450 plus VAT for the pleasure of eating there. With Gareth Ward at the helm, the restaurant won its first Michelin star in 2014, and its second in 2022. He’s a mountain of a man, presiding over the operation like Thor by way of Heston, his hammer replaced by a purpose-built underground Himalayan salt chamber. This is where we first encounter Ward, with each Ynyshir guest whisked into the chilly bunker to gaze upon dangling flesh and meet the maniac who’ll be cooking for them for the next five hours.

Back inside the Camden-goth dining room, your test of stamina begins. Ward’s food is every bit as wild and whimsical as the building, arriving in handmade goblincore crockery via well-drilled staff in thick leather aprons. All 20 diners face the kitchen, with seats placed side-by-side for the best view of the action, which (as well as live fire cookery and knifework so skilled as to put Uma Thurman in Kill Bill to shame,) includes a DJ throwing down a deep house and rare-groove set.

It would take far too long to list every dish on Ward’s meticulous menu, so let’s instead chuff through some standouts, which lean heavily on Japan, but make stopovers in Thailand and China too. There is sweet and soft teriyaki hamachi, perfectly pink rolls of A5 ribeye, impossibly tasty tuna topped with jalapeno and yoghurt, and an unfurled handroll dusted with a mountain of fresh truffle. Each is prettier than peak James Dean. 

There is also black cod smothered in creamy smoked butter and dusted with house-made plankton powder, as well as pressed Singapore chilli crab served alongside a fried bun that resembles the perfect fairground donut and a coy blue-bellied shrimp resting in a dash of effortless green curry. There is salt-cod soup in a vessel that resembles Gandalf’s pipe. There is Ward’s famous translation of peking duck, aged for a week to create an almost chocolatey depth of flavour and served with a curl of pickled cucumber and a dollop of hearty hoisin. One true breathtaker doesn't involve meat or fish at all, but is a magical, jelly-like offering of sushi ginger that resembles satin sheets of frozen granita which melt on the tongue like Dairy Milk in a heatwave. 

Part of the pleasure is the sheer excess of the place

Ynyshir is all about attention to detail, so much so that we’re only served female beef; in a world first, it’s the ladies of Wagyu who are treated better than the men. We plough on through 24 savoury courses like the champs we are, even though my guest’s button has literally popped off her trousers. Need a break? Take one of the fur coats by the door and take a swift stroll through the grounds while you think about your cholesterol level. There are desserts too, six of the buggers; banana soft serve with caviar, a god tier STP, and the finest - possibly because it’s the lightest - ice cold melon shaved over stracciatella cheese

At Ynyshir there will come a moment, when you will think; is this too much food? Many moments, in fact. The answer is undoubtedly ‘yes’. But no-one goes to Ynyshir expecting to skip off daintily into the night. Part of the pleasure is the sheer excess of the place. If you’re up for the challenge of scoffing some of the best cooking in the country, Ynyshir is waiting. 

The vibe A gothic country house with the UK’s most notorious tasting menu.

The food Thirty no-choice courses. No substitutions. Vegetarians need not apply. 

The drink You’re here, so why not plonk for the wine pairing. 

Time Out tip Make sure to have a stroll around the gorgeous landscaped grounds, where only one thing seems out of place; a 12 ft t rex gifted to the restaurant by loyal patron Ed Sheeran. Wouldn’t a bunch of flowers have done the job, Ed?