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So all of Broadway has been running around clutching its pearls and soiling its adult undergarments over the news that Hamilton's top premium ticket price is now $849. Remember when people freaked about The Book of Mormon's $477 premium seats? Ha ha, we were so young and stingy! This ridiculous price hike is great for oligarchs who can't plan ahead (start using iCal already, Dmitri!), but there's also a pro bono side to it: Producers have doubled the number of $10 lottery seats; there will be 46 of them per show. According to news reports, at each performance of Hamilton, about 200 seats will be priced at $849, and the rest from $139 to $177. So unless you like to spend close to $1K on a show in which Colonial Williamsburg–dressed strangers sing and dance at your face, just buy tickets for sometime in 2017. It's not like Lin-Manuel Miranda will be in it anymore, no matter how many sexy, smooth Tony Award mounted medallions he reaps on Sunday.
RECOMMENDED: See the full guide to Hamilton on Broadway
But hey, what else can you buy for $849? Good question. Behold, shopper:
Secure GranitePhone
Call your friends to tell them you can’t afford to see Hamilton!
Canon EF 100mm f/2.8L IS USM Macro Lens for Canon Digital SLR Cameras
Get an awesome shot of yourself crying outside the Richard Rodgers Theatre!
A pair of custom chrome rims (tires not included)
Drive far, far away from any place that has ever heard of Hamilton.
Bamboo Framed Chair, on Sale!
Relax, kick back and read a damn book. (Not Ron Chernow, though!)
Generic Sovaldi (sofosbuvir 400mg) from India at a Great Price
This is a drug that fights Hepatitis C in adults. We won’t ask any questions.
Jacquemus Asymmetric Collar Coat
Look fierce as you wait in line for your tickets to Shuffle Along!