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Best comedy 2013: Our favorite #borobash jokes about the five boroughs

Our #borobash Twitter contest asks up-and-coming comics to create the best comedy jokes about New York City that they can. Here are the results:

By Time Out editors Tue Nov 5 2013


This fall, we held our second weeklong Twitter contest, asking comedians and funny writers to tweet their best comedy about the five boroughs with the hashtag #borobash. Here are some of the best entries (and our five chosen winners), organized by borough:

RECOMMENDED: Best comedy in NYC

  • Best jokes about the Bronx

    New York City is thinking of changing the Bronx’s name to The Wire 3-D. —@TakeTheConrad

  • Best jokes about the Bronx

    The Bronx: Where the Son of Sam is considered “a dog person.” —@BrooklynRon

  • Best jokes about the Bronx

    In the Bronx, “snitches get stitches” is a health-care plan. —@BrooklynRon

  • Best jokes about the Bronx

    The ATMs in the Bronx dispense pennies. —@TakeTheConrad

  • WINNER: Best joke about the Bronx

    Winner (a.k.a. the Bronx Bombardier): The Bronx: Where everyone knows your name (because it’s written on your necklace, your earrings and your lower back) —@alyssawolff

  • Best jokes about Queens

    Queens: Even our street gangs are boring. —@TakeTheConrad

  • Best jokes about Queens

    Queens: If you can make it here, you probably failed somewhere in your life. —@prejectedjokes

  • Photograph: Wikimedia Commons user 'TwoWings'

    Best jokes about Queens

    Queens: A proverbial melting pot of people who hate other people in the pot for following different proverbs —@AndySandford

  • Best jokes about Queens

    Queens: The official borough of lying to your family about how well you’re doing since moving to New York —@AlisonLevering

  • WINNER: Best joke about Queens

    Winner (a.k.a. Killer Queens): Welcome to Queens. You probably fell asleep on the train. —@BrooklynRon

  • Photograph: Ludovic Bertron / Wikimedia Commons

    Best jokes about Staten Island

    Is Staten Island the worst part of New York City or the best part of New Jersey? —@BrooklynRon

  • Photograph: Simon Quinton / Wikimedia Commons

    Best jokes about Staten Island

    Peter Minuit bought Staten Island from the Lenape Indians in exchange for two tanning beds and tickets to WrestleMania. —@guybranum

  • Photograph: Wikimedia Commons user 'George Hernandez'

    Best jokes about Staten Island

    What can you write about Staten Island that hasn’t already been written in crayon by someone else? —@TakeTheConrad

  • Photograph: Wikimedia Commons user 'InSapphoWeTrust'

    Best jokes about Staten Island

    Spalding Gray jumped off the Staten Island Ferry when he found out where it was going. —@DanWilbur

  • Photograph: Frank Kovalchek / flickr

    WINNER: Best joke about Staten Island

    Winner (a.k.a. the Staten Slammer): The Staten Island Zoo opened a reptile exhibit. It’s just caged girls who’ve spent too long in the tanning bed. —@AmberSmelson

  • Best jokes about Manhattan

    There was a miracle on 34th Street: It only took my cab ten minutes to cross the intersection. —@JaxGotJokes

  • Best jokes about Manhattan

    Manhattan: Home to Broadway entertainment and a woman in cloth shoes screaming on the 7 train. —@AmberSmelson

  • Best jokes about Manhattan

    Manhattan: I just don’t feel comfortable spending less than $15 for a sandwich. —@DaleRadio

  • Best jokes about Manhattan

    Manhattan: If you can make it there, your parents are probably paying your rent. —@StephenGardella

  • Photograph: Jonathan McIntosh / Wikimedia Commons

    WINNER: Best joke about Manhattan

    Winner (a.k.a. the Money-Makin’ Monster): You can’t afford to live there, but this crazy old guy blocking the sidewalk can. —@AndySandford

  • Best jokes about Brooklyn

    Brooklyn gentrifying? Nah. Nothing says “I get this community” like a store that only sells mayonnaise. —@JaxGotJokes

  • Best jokes about Brooklyn

    Brooklyn: A group of able-bodied postcollege kids more likely to correct your grammar than correct poverty in their neighborhood. —@DanWilbur

  • Best jokes about Brooklyn

    Does anyone live in Sheepshead Bay, or is that a dumping ground for last year’s unicycles? —@AmberSmelson

  • Best jokes about Brooklyn

    Not every lesbian needs to own a bakery. #brooklyn —@guybranum

  • WINNER: Best joke about Brooklyn

    Winner (a.k.a. Kicker of Kings): Good ol’ Brooklyn. Where half of the city is petrified of half of the city. —@NeilCharlesFTW

  • Honorable mention

    Hoboken: The one that doesn’t count. —@LazyBabyMama

Best jokes about the Bronx

New York City is thinking of changing the Bronx’s name to The Wire 3-D. —@TakeTheConrad

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