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Best comedy 2013: Our favorite #borobash jokes about the five boroughs

Our #borobash Twitter contest asks up-and-coming comics to create the best comedy jokes about New York City that they can. Here are the results:

1/26

Best jokes about the Bronx

New York City is thinking of changing the Bronx’s name to The Wire 3-D. —@TakeTheConrad

2/26

Best jokes about the Bronx

The Bronx: Where the Son of Sam is considered “a dog person.” @BrooklynRon

3/26

Best jokes about the Bronx

In the Bronx, “snitches get stitches” is a health-care plan. @BrooklynRon

4/26

Best jokes about the Bronx

The ATMs in the Bronx dispense pennies. @TakeTheConrad

5/26

WINNER: Best joke about the Bronx

Winner (a.k.a. the Bronx Bombardier): The Bronx: Where everyone knows your name (because it’s written on your necklace, your earrings and your lower back) @alyssawolff

6/26

Best jokes about Queens

Queens: Even our street gangs are boring. —@TakeTheConrad

7/26

Best jokes about Queens

Queens: If you can make it here, you probably failed somewhere in your life. @prejectedjokes

8/26
Photograph: Wikimedia Commons user 'TwoWings'

Best jokes about Queens

Queens: A proverbial melting pot of people who hate other people in the pot for following different proverbs @AndySandford

9/26

Best jokes about Queens

Queens: The official borough of lying to your family about how well you’re doing since moving to New York @AlisonLevering

10/26

WINNER: Best joke about Queens

Winner (a.k.a. Killer Queens): Welcome to Queens. You probably fell asleep on the train. @BrooklynRon

11/26
Photograph: Ludovic Bertron / Wikimedia Commons

Best jokes about Staten Island

Is Staten Island the worst part of New York City or the best part of New Jersey? @BrooklynRon

12/26
Photograph: Simon Quinton / Wikimedia Commons

Best jokes about Staten Island

Peter Minuit bought Staten Island from the Lenape Indians in exchange for two tanning beds and tickets to WrestleMania. @guybranum

13/26
Photograph: Wikimedia Commons user 'George Hernandez'

Best jokes about Staten Island

What can you write about Staten Island that hasn’t already been written in crayon by someone else? @TakeTheConrad

14/26
Photograph: Wikimedia Commons user 'InSapphoWeTrust'

Best jokes about Staten Island

Spalding Gray jumped off the Staten Island Ferry when he found out where it was going. @DanWilbur

15/26
Photograph: Frank Kovalchek / flickr

WINNER: Best joke about Staten Island

Winner (a.k.a. the Staten Slammer): The Staten Island Zoo opened a reptile exhibit. It’s just caged girls who’ve spent too long in the tanning bed. @AmberSmelson

16/26

Best jokes about Manhattan

There was a miracle on 34th Street: It only took my cab ten minutes to cross the intersection. @JaxGotJokes

17/26

Best jokes about Manhattan

Manhattan: Home to Broadway entertainment and a woman in cloth shoes screaming on the 7 train. @AmberSmelson

18/26

Best jokes about Manhattan

Manhattan: I just don’t feel comfortable spending less than $15 for a sandwich. @DaleRadio

19/26

Best jokes about Manhattan

Manhattan: If you can make it there, your parents are probably paying your rent. @StephenGardella

20/26
Photograph: Jonathan McIntosh / Wikimedia Commons

WINNER: Best joke about Manhattan

Winner (a.k.a. the Money-Makin’ Monster): You can’t afford to live there, but this crazy old guy blocking the sidewalk can.@AndySandford

21/26

Best jokes about Brooklyn

Brooklyn gentrifying? Nah. Nothing says “I get this community” like a store that only sells mayonnaise. @JaxGotJokes

22/26

Best jokes about Brooklyn

Brooklyn: A group of able-bodied postcollege kids more likely to correct your grammar than correct poverty in their neighborhood. @DanWilbur

23/26

Best jokes about Brooklyn

Does anyone live in Sheepshead Bay, or is that a dumping ground for last year’s unicycles? @AmberSmelson

24/26

Best jokes about Brooklyn

Not every lesbian needs to own a bakery. #brooklyn @guybranum

25/26

WINNER: Best joke about Brooklyn

Winner (a.k.a. Kicker of Kings): Good ol’ Brooklyn. Where half of the city is petrified of half of the city. @NeilCharlesFTW

26/26

Honorable mention

Hoboken: The one that doesn’t count. @LazyBabyMama

This fall, we held our second weeklong Twitter contest, asking comedians and funny writers to tweet their best comedy about the five boroughs with the hashtag #borobash. Here are some of the best entries (and our five chosen winners), organized by borough:

RECOMMENDED: Best comedy in NYC

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