Timeout New York

Make the most of your city

Best comedy 2013: Our favorite #borobash jokes about the five boroughs

Our #borobash Twitter contest asks up-and-coming comics to create the best comedy jokes about New York City that they can. Here are the results:

By Time Out editors Tue Nov 5 2013

0

Comments

Add +


This fall, we held our second weeklong Twitter contest, asking comedians and funny writers to tweet their best comedy about the five boroughs with the hashtag #borobash. Here are some of the best entries (and our five chosen winners), organized by borough:

RECOMMENDED: Best comedy in NYC

  • Best jokes about the Bronx

    New York City is thinking of changing the Bronx’s name to The Wire 3-D. —@TakeTheConrad

  • Best jokes about the Bronx

    The Bronx: Where the Son of Sam is considered “a dog person.” —@BrooklynRon

  • Best jokes about the Bronx

    In the Bronx, “snitches get stitches” is a health-care plan. —@BrooklynRon

  • Best jokes about the Bronx

    The ATMs in the Bronx dispense pennies. —@TakeTheConrad

  • WINNER: Best joke about the Bronx

    Winner (a.k.a. the Bronx Bombardier): The Bronx: Where everyone knows your name (because it’s written on your necklace, your earrings and your lower back) —@alyssawolff

  • Best jokes about Queens

    Queens: Even our street gangs are boring. —@TakeTheConrad

  • Best jokes about Queens

    Queens: If you can make it here, you probably failed somewhere in your life. —@prejectedjokes

  • Photograph: Wikimedia Commons user 'TwoWings'

    Best jokes about Queens

    Queens: A proverbial melting pot of people who hate other people in the pot for following different proverbs —@AndySandford

  • Best jokes about Queens

    Queens: The official borough of lying to your family about how well you’re doing since moving to New York —@AlisonLevering

  • WINNER: Best joke about Queens

    Winner (a.k.a. Killer Queens): Welcome to Queens. You probably fell asleep on the train. —@BrooklynRon

  • Photograph: Ludovic Bertron / Wikimedia Commons

    Best jokes about Staten Island

    Is Staten Island the worst part of New York City or the best part of New Jersey? —@BrooklynRon

  • Photograph: Simon Quinton / Wikimedia Commons

    Best jokes about Staten Island

    Peter Minuit bought Staten Island from the Lenape Indians in exchange for two tanning beds and tickets to WrestleMania. —@guybranum

  • Photograph: Wikimedia Commons user 'George Hernandez'

    Best jokes about Staten Island

    What can you write about Staten Island that hasn’t already been written in crayon by someone else? —@TakeTheConrad

  • Photograph: Wikimedia Commons user 'InSapphoWeTrust'

    Best jokes about Staten Island

    Spalding Gray jumped off the Staten Island Ferry when he found out where it was going. —@DanWilbur

  • Photograph: Frank Kovalchek / flickr

    WINNER: Best joke about Staten Island

    Winner (a.k.a. the Staten Slammer): The Staten Island Zoo opened a reptile exhibit. It’s just caged girls who’ve spent too long in the tanning bed. —@AmberSmelson

  • Best jokes about Manhattan

    There was a miracle on 34th Street: It only took my cab ten minutes to cross the intersection. —@JaxGotJokes

  • Best jokes about Manhattan

    Manhattan: Home to Broadway entertainment and a woman in cloth shoes screaming on the 7 train. —@AmberSmelson

  • Best jokes about Manhattan

    Manhattan: I just don’t feel comfortable spending less than $15 for a sandwich. —@DaleRadio

  • Best jokes about Manhattan

    Manhattan: If you can make it there, your parents are probably paying your rent. —@StephenGardella

  • Photograph: Jonathan McIntosh / Wikimedia Commons

    WINNER: Best joke about Manhattan

    Winner (a.k.a. the Money-Makin’ Monster): You can’t afford to live there, but this crazy old guy blocking the sidewalk can. —@AndySandford

  • Best jokes about Brooklyn

    Brooklyn gentrifying? Nah. Nothing says “I get this community” like a store that only sells mayonnaise. —@JaxGotJokes

  • Best jokes about Brooklyn

    Brooklyn: A group of able-bodied postcollege kids more likely to correct your grammar than correct poverty in their neighborhood. —@DanWilbur

  • Best jokes about Brooklyn

    Does anyone live in Sheepshead Bay, or is that a dumping ground for last year’s unicycles? —@AmberSmelson

  • Best jokes about Brooklyn

    Not every lesbian needs to own a bakery. #brooklyn —@guybranum

  • WINNER: Best joke about Brooklyn

    Winner (a.k.a. Kicker of Kings): Good ol’ Brooklyn. Where half of the city is petrified of half of the city. —@NeilCharlesFTW

  • Honorable mention

    Hoboken: The one that doesn’t count. —@LazyBabyMama

Best jokes about the Bronx

New York City is thinking of changing the Bronx’s name to The Wire 3-D. —@TakeTheConrad

You might also like

Joke of the week

20 best jokes about New York City (video)

Seth Herzog

21 New York comedy scene linchpins

Michael Showalter

50 funniest New Yorkers

See more in Comedy

Users say

0 comments
  Livefyre
Newest | Oldest

More of the best comedy in New York

See all comedy stories

Comedy events calendar

  1. 50 Shades! The Musical

    50 Shades! The...

    50 Shades! The Musical—The Original Parody. Elektr...

  2. Anthony Anderson &...

    As an actor, Anderson has had roles that range fr...

  3. National Comedy...

    Though the popularity of long-form improv has push...

13 more events »

Most popular in Comedy

  1. Gay bear videos
  2. Don’t be a tourist: Find in-the-know things to do in New York
  3. Various locations
  4. Poco Bar
  5. 50 funniest Web series
  6. Five reasons you should watch Jared Posts a Personal
  7. The Daily Show Writers: A Non-Daily Show
  8. Stand-up comedy in NYC this summer
  9. Nitehawk Cinema
  10. Marc Maron interview: “Emotionally, a cat is a pretty good fill-in for a woman”
See more popular content in Comedy

Subscribe to Time Out New York on Spotify for playlists and recommendations from our Music team.

Check out New York's best restaurants, hottest street style, cool apartments and more.