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  1. Photograph: Rob Nunn
    Photograph: Rob Nunn

    “It’s a long trip to the Bronx, but there’s always someone to greet you. Usually a child yelling racial slurs and throwing batteries.”—@natefridson

  2. Photograph: Courtesy New York Yankees
    Photograph: Courtesy New York Yankees

    “The Bronx, where nachos at Yankee Stadium cost more than a gently used iPhone two blocks away.”—@erinjudge

  3. “The Bronx Hospital is the only place where donor blood comes in a brown paper bag from the bodega.”—@noredavis

  4. The Warriors began in The Bronx. Imagine that—a borough that even gangs want to escape from.”—@RGDaniels

  5. “A Bronx Tale 2 will feature a reggaeton soundtrack and a story with no hope.”—@RGDaniels

  6. “If you’re going to the Bronx Zoo, I recommend getting into the cages for safety.”—@marknorm (Mark Normand)

  7. “The Bronx: Where the majority of rappers will never be more famous than the Hunts Point hookers.”—@noredavis

  8. Photograph: Nestor Lacle
    Photograph: Nestor Lacle

    “The Bronx used to be the place to be. My grandpa used to go there all the time to get mugged.”—@themaxhoover

  9. "The Bronx is where you can go see a bunch of caged animals. And they have a zoo." —@michelleisawolf (Michelle Wolf)

  10. Photograph: Adam Pantozzi
    Photograph: Adam Pantozzi

    “Brooklyn: Who else has the balls to gentrify the New Jersey Nets?”—@RGDaniels

  11. Photograph: Flickr User: animalvegetable
    Photograph: Flickr User: animalvegetable

    “The Atlantic Center Mall in Brooklyn is great, if—you’re shopping for a place to die.”—@GiuliaRozzi

  12. “‘Check out my quirky glasses!’—Everyone in Brooklyn’s response to, ‘So tell me about yourself.’”—@mattkoff

  13. “Ebbets Field? More like: I-BETS WE’LL find some ORGANIC COFFEE SHOPS nearby now.”—@willystaley

  14. Photograph: Michael Kirby New York
    Photograph: Michael Kirby New York

    “Bedford Avenue? More like: I’m going to BED beFORE I have to deal with all the EFFING HIPSTERS, RIGHT? LMAO”—@willystaley

  15. Photograph: Rachel Hathaway
    Photograph: Rachel Hathaway

    “There’s a business in Fort Greene called Baguetteaboudit (actually). More like: IMMADABOUTIT ('IT' BEING HIPSTERS).”—@willystaley

  16. Photograph: Flickr user abull017
    Photograph: Flickr user abull017

    “Brooklyn: Where not even the subways want to be on the weekends.”—@michelleisawolf (Michelle Wolf)

  17. Photograph: Flickr User: Mr. T in DC
    Photograph: Flickr User: Mr. T in DC

    “Manhattan: come pee here.”—@JonnyFisch

  18. Photograph: Paul Wagtouicz
    Photograph: Paul Wagtouicz

    “Manhattan: Where the dogs are in strollers and the kids are on leashes.”—@AlisonLeiby

  19. “Manhattan is the city that never sleeps, because you have to work three jobs just to afford your apartment.”—@michelleisawolf

  20. “Can you believe Times Square used to have jerk-off booths? My, how times have changed. You can do that anywhere in Manhattan now!”—@noredavis

  21. Photograph: Virginia Rollison
    Photograph: Virginia Rollison

    “Go to a Manhattan dive bar and hear the locals get wistful for the days when junkies used to stab you at sundown. Never gets old!”—@natefridson

  22. Photograph: Flickr User: musical photo man
    Photograph: Flickr User: musical photo man

    “The Manhattan Public Bathroom is a 22-minute wait and costs $4.63 to use, but comes with a complimentary coffee.”—@CEdmundHill

  23. “‘Junkies and hobos and squares, oh my!’—The Wizard of the LES”—@RGDaniels

  24. Photograph: Spencer Ritenour
    Photograph: Spencer Ritenour

    “Manhattan: Where “I need to get the F out of here” means you’re censoring yourself or just being specific about how you’re getting home.”—@harrisoncomedy (Harrison Greenbaum)

  25. Photograph: Flickr user forzeshow
    Photograph: Flickr user forzeshow

    “Manhattan: It’s not called stop-and-frisk. It’s community-outreach-and-see-what’s-in-your-pockets.”—@Matt_Gifford

  26. Photograph: Flickr User: Professor Bop
    Photograph: Flickr User: Professor Bop

    “I once hip-checked a grown woman in broad daylight in Queens. I was immediately appointed to City Council.”—@natefridson

  27. Photograph: Sean Ellingson
    Photograph: Sean Ellingson

    “Queens makes me feel at home. My mother was also a Greek diner.”—@AlisonLevering

  28. “If you google “Flushing Queens,” you get two entirely different sets of results. But both are shitty.”—@RGDaniels

  29. Photograph: Phillip Capper
    Photograph: Phillip Capper

    “If a tree falls in Queens, you will not hear it because of the airport.”—@RGDaniels

  30. “The Prince of Zamunda only found one girl worth marrying in all of Queens.”—@AndySandford

  31. “Originally Seven ended with Brad Pitt riding the 7 to Queens. They decided it was too horrific, and went with decapitating his wife.”—@michelleisawolf (Michelle Wolf)

  32. Photograph: Michael Pick
    Photograph: Michael Pick

    “Queens, where the average body type looks remarkably like Mr. Met.”—@BrooklynRon (Ron Krasnow)

  33. Photograph: Pat Guiney
    Photograph: Pat Guiney

    “Both of the city’s airports are in Queens, because being there makes the idea of leaving easier.”—@AlisonLeiby

  34. Photograph: Liz West
    Photograph: Liz West

    “The unofficial flag of Queens: a stray cat in a tank top going over his computer time at a library.”—@bill_stiteler

  35. “Queens is New York City’s first line of defense against Long Island.”—@jackoapostrophe (Jack O’Brien)

  36. Photograph: Daniel R. Blume
    Photograph: Daniel R. Blume

    “Staten Island: Where 90 percent of weddings are held in gymnasiums.”—@BrooklynRon (Ron Krasnow)

  37. “Staten Island is just one smoke monster away from being the worst island on the planet.”—@jackoapostrophe (Jack O’Brien)

  38. Photograph: Caroline Voagen Nelson
    Photograph: Caroline Voagen Nelson

    “Staten Island: Where lovers go before their murder-suicides.”—@JonnyFisch

  39. Photograph: Lee Cannon
    Photograph: Lee Cannon

    “The Staten Island Ferry is like the Love Boat, except when you get off, you find out you have herpes.”—@RGDaniels

  40. Photograph: Flickr user gothopotam
    Photograph: Flickr user gothopotam

    “Staten Island: We just got cable!”—@BrooklynRon (Ron Krasnow)

  41. Photograph: Courtesy New York Road Runners
    Photograph: Courtesy New York Road Runners

    “New York City Marathon: People will do anything to get off Staten Island.”—@chrisgayner

  42. Winner! (Photograph: Spc. Ryan A.)
    Photograph: Spc. Ryan A.

    “The Bronx: When there’s just no time to go to Afghanistan.”—@JamesAlexander

    We hereby name James Alexander: Baron Von Bronx.

  43. Winner!

    “Brooklyn: Where someone can yell at a stranger, ‘Suck my dick!’ and the response is ‘Is it organic?’”—@AlisonLevering

    We hereby name Alison Levering the King of Kings.

  44. Winner! (Photograph: Flickr user flickr4jazz)
    Photograph: Flickr user flickr4jazz

    “Manhattan. Where if you die on the sidewalk, you’re still in someone’s way.”—@RGDaniels

    We hereby name RG Daniels the Marquis of Manhattan

  45. Winner! (Photograph: Flickr user bclinesmith)
    Photograph: Flickr user bclinesmith

    “If you ride the subway in Queens long enough, you won’t need to buy Rosetta Stone.”—@marknorm

    We hereby name Mark Normand the Queens quasher

  46. Winner! (Photograph: Norman Blake)
    Photograph: Norman Blake

    “Two-for-one deal on misspelled neck tattoos? Don’t mind if I do!"—Debbie Angiovelli, Staten Island’s Mother of the Year 2012.”—@natefridson

    We hereby name Nate Fridson the Staten Island slasher.

Best jokes about the five boroughs: Our favorite #borobash tweets

Check out the best jokes from our #borobash contest, as the Twitterati take down NYC borough by borough, in 140 characters or less.

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We held our first-ever Twitter joke competition in early October, asking comics and any other funny writers to tweet jokes with the hashtag #borobash. Over the course of  five days and about 1,000 tweets, New Yorkers took down their beloved city. Here are the best jokes, and at the end, the winners.

RECOMMENDED: New York comedy 2012
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