Best jokes about the five boroughs: Our favorite #borobash tweets

Best jokes about the Bronx

“It’s a long trip to the Bronx, but there’s always someone to greet you. Usually a child yelling racial slurs and throwing batteries.”—@natefridson

Best jokes about the Bronx

“The Bronx, where nachos at Yankee Stadium cost more than a gently used iPhone two blocks away.”—@erinjudge

Best jokes about the Bronx

“The Bronx Hospital is the only place where donor blood comes in a brown paper bag from the bodega.”—@noredavis

Best jokes about the Bronx

“The Warriors began in The Bronx. Imagine that—a borough that even gangs want to escape from.”—@RGDaniels

Best jokes about the Bronx

“A Bronx Tale 2 will feature a reggaeton soundtrack and a story with no hope.”—@RGDaniels

Best jokes about the Bronx

“If you’re going to the Bronx Zoo, I recommend getting into the cages for safety.”—@marknorm (Mark Normand)

Best jokes about the Bronx

“The Bronx: Where the majority of rappers will never be more famous than the Hunts Point hookers.”—@noredavis

Best jokes about the Bronx

“The Bronx used to be the place to be. My grandpa used to go there all the time to get mugged.”—@themaxhoover

Best jokes about the Bronx

"The Bronx is where you can go see a bunch of caged animals. And they have a zoo." —@michelleisawolf (Michelle Wolf)

Best jokes about Brooklyn

“Brooklyn: Who else has the balls to gentrify the New Jersey Nets?”—@RGDaniels

Best jokes about Brooklyn

“The Atlantic Center Mall in Brooklyn is great, if—you’re shopping for a place to die.”—@GiuliaRozzi

Best jokes about Brooklyn

“‘Check out my quirky glasses!’—Everyone in Brooklyn’s response to, ‘So tell me about yourself.’”—@mattkoff

Best jokes about Brooklyn

“Ebbets Field? More like: I-BETS WE’LL find some ORGANIC COFFEE SHOPS nearby now.”—@willystaley

Best jokes about Brooklyn

“Bedford Avenue? More like: I’m going to BED beFORE I have to deal with all the EFFING HIPSTERS, RIGHT? LMAO”—@willystaley

Best jokes about Brooklyn

“There’s a business in Fort Greene called Baguetteaboudit (actually). More like: IMMADABOUTIT ('IT' BEING HIPSTERS).”—@willystaley

Best jokes about Brooklyn

“Brooklyn: Where not even the subways want to be on the weekends.”—@michelleisawolf (Michelle Wolf)

Best jokes about Manhattan

“Manhattan: come pee here.”—@JonnyFisch

Best jokes about Manhattan

“Manhattan: Where the dogs are in strollers and the kids are on leashes.”—@AlisonLeiby

Best jokes about Manhattan

“Manhattan is the city that never sleeps, because you have to work three jobs just to afford your apartment.”—@michelleisawolf

Best jokes about Manhattan

“Can you believe Times Square used to have jerk-off booths? My, how times have changed. You can do that anywhere in Manhattan now!”—@noredavis

Best jokes about Manhattan

“Go to a Manhattan dive bar and hear the locals get wistful for the days when junkies used to stab you at sundown. Never gets old!”—@natefridson

Best jokes about Manhattan

“The Manhattan Public Bathroom is a 22-minute wait and costs $4.63 to use, but comes with a complimentary coffee.”—@CEdmundHill

Best jokes about Manhattan

“‘Junkies and hobos and squares, oh my!’—The Wizard of the LES”—@RGDaniels

Best jokes about Manhattan

“Manhattan: Where “I need to get the F out of here” means you’re censoring yourself or just being specific about how you’re getting home.”—@harrisoncomedy (Harrison Greenbaum)

“Manhattan: It’s not called stop-and-frisk. It’s community-outreach-and-see-what’s-in-your-pockets.”—@Matt_Gifford

Best jokes about Queens

“I once hip-checked a grown woman in broad daylight in Queens. I was immediately appointed to City Council.”—@natefridson

“Queens makes me feel at home. My mother was also a Greek diner.”—@AlisonLevering

Best jokes about Queens

“If you google “Flushing Queens,” you get two entirely different sets of results. But both are shitty.”—@RGDaniels

Best jokes about Queens

“If a tree falls in Queens, you will not hear it because of the airport.”—@RGDaniels

Best jokes about Queens

“The Prince of Zamunda only found one girl worth marrying in all of Queens.”—@AndySandford

Best jokes about Queens

“Originally Seven ended with Brad Pitt riding the 7 to Queens. They decided it was too horrific, and went with decapitating his wife.”—@michelleisawolf (Michelle Wolf)

Best jokes about Queens

“Queens, where the average body type looks remarkably like Mr. Met.”—@BrooklynRon (Ron Krasnow)

Best jokes about Queens

“Both of the city’s airports are in Queens, because being there makes the idea of leaving easier.”—@AlisonLeiby

Best jokes about Queens

“The unofficial flag of Queens: a stray cat in a tank top going over his computer time at a library.”—@bill_stiteler

Best jokes about Queens

“Queens is New York City’s first line of defense against Long Island.”—@jackoapostrophe (Jack O’Brien)

Best jokes about Staten Island

“Staten Island: Where 90 percent of weddings are held in gymnasiums.”—@BrooklynRon (Ron Krasnow)

Best jokes about Staten Island

“Staten Island is just one smoke monster away from being the worst island on the planet.”—@jackoapostrophe (Jack O’Brien)

Best jokes about Staten Island

“Staten Island: Where lovers go before their murder-suicides.”—@JonnyFisch

Best jokes about Staten Island

“The Staten Island Ferry is like the Love Boat, except when you get off, you find out you have herpes.”—@RGDaniels

Best jokes about Staten Island

“Staten Island: We just got cable!”—@BrooklynRon (Ron Krasnow)

Best jokes about Staten Island

“New York City Marathon: People will do anything to get off Staten Island.”—@chrisgayner

Best joke about the Bronx

“The Bronx: When there’s just no time to go to Afghanistan.”—@JamesAlexander

We hereby name James Alexander: Baron Von Bronx.

Best joke about Brooklyn

“Brooklyn: Where someone can yell at a stranger, ‘Suck my dick!’ and the response is ‘Is it organic?’”—@AlisonLevering

We hereby name Alison Levering the King of Kings.

Best joke about Manhattan

“Manhattan. Where if you die on the sidewalk, you’re still in someone’s way.”—@RGDaniels

We hereby name RG Daniels the Marquis of Manhattan

Best joke about Queens

“If you ride the subway in Queens long enough, you won’t need to buy Rosetta Stone.”—@marknorm

We hereby name Mark Normand the Queens quasher