Brooklyn’s Hacienda Villa has been refurbished as a polyamorist-friendly swinger pad

Here are the passive-aggressive roommate notes we’d expect to find in such a place

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If you and your partner are into having some grown-up fun with other, similarly minded couples, you’ll probably be interested in Hacienda Villa. Put together by Open Love NY, it’s a three-story apartment complex in Bushwick designed exclusively for those in polyamorous relationships (that is, people in relationships with multiple partners), containing 15 bedrooms that range in price from $750 to $1,500 per month. Each floor is its own self-contained apartment, and the building comes with a hot tub (because of course it does).

Polyamory seems like one of the few taboos left in NYC, so it’ll be interesting to see if this project helps make the general public more accepting of it. But we can’t help but wonder: Do the polyamorous communicate with each other the same way the rest of New York’s roommates do—with passive-aggressive notes? If so, here are some you might find taped to the fridge. Or the bathroom door. Or the TV. Or the window because OMG YOU GUYS I TOLD YOU TO CLOSE THIS BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

- If you see that the extra-large hand-pump KY dispenser is empty, maybe consider refilling it? Kthxbye!

- Did someone borrow my DVDs of The Ice Storm, The Lifestyle and Eyes Wide Shut?!? Please return!!!!!

- Dear everyone, My parents are visiting today. I know it’s asking a lot, but please put some pants on.

- SOMEONE left out the edible chocolate massage oil last night and we now have roaches. Jeremy, I know vermin is your thing, but it's really foul.

- NOTE: Melons in the kitchen are not for you to have intercourse with; however, my husband and girlfriend are. Just sayin’.

- Not sure who left my last Hot Pocket in the microwave half-cooked after last night's bender, but just so you know, I actually DO know who it was, AND I fucked your mom.

- PLEASE squeeze the lube from the bottom of the tube! And put the lid back on when you’re done, jeez!

- Everyone REALLY needs to keep the noise down after midnight. I could barely manage to get any sex at all, thanks to the sound of the rest of you snoring peacefully in your beds.


Users say

3 comments
Billy P
Billy P

Yea, this author is simply exposing their ignorance and messed up view on alternative sexual practices. Shaking my head.

This article is really disappointing. Firstly, swinging =/= polyamory. Second, polyamorous individuals =/= sex-crazed people having massive orgies every chance they get and fucking everyone and anyone with impunity. Maybe research the lifestyle you're writing about BEFORE trying to write a witty article about it so you can produce something that is actually funny and not just a bunch of horrendous inaccurate stereotypes bashing people who just want to live peacefully and free from judgement.

This article is disgusting. Whoever wrote it clearly knows nothing about Polyamorous individuals or the lifestyle at all. Also, swinging and polyamory aren't the same thing. Try harder next time.