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Top ten ridiculous New York souvenirs

Step away from the run-of-the-mill I ♥ NY tees and pick up these offbeat New York souvenirs instead

You’ve had a blast visiting the best New York attractions, but you’ve struck out at the best gift shops in NYC in your search for the perfect souvenir. Have you tried a Times Square thong on for size? These New York souvenirs are far from traditional, but they capture a tongue-in-cheek essence of the Big Apple experience.

1  I ♥ New York belly-button ring  

Oh, sure, anyone can wear one of those mass-produced I ♥ NY shirts. But only those who truly love the city endure the agony of having metal bored through their skin, and then leave jewelry expressing the same sentiment dangling from their umbilicus. artfire.com, $11

2  NYC Taxi Drivers 2014 beefcake calendar 

Cabbies who aren’t afraid to show a little skin (hailing from Pakistan, Poland, Morocco, Venezuela and elsewhere) posed for this hilarious send-up of those hot-firefighter calendars. Okay, so they’re not beefcakes. But this makes for a very, very funny gift—no matter what time of year. nyctaxicalendar.com, $9.99

3  Taste of New York fortune cookies 

Of NYC’s signature dishes, pizza and fresh bagels don’t travel that well, so opt for this bit of Chinese takeout. The treats contain city factoids on their paper inserts(did you know the Met holds more than 3 million pieces?) instead of the nuggets of wisdom found in most fortune cookies. nycwebstore.com, $7

4  I LEGO N.Y. book 

We dig this photographic collection. Designer and New York Times columnist Christoph Niemann’s minimalist, ingenious LEGO renderings of NYC symbols range from the obvious (yellow taxis) to the minute (cream cheese with scallions). amazon.com, $12

5  Manhattan-skyline ashtray 

It really sucks to be a smoker in Gotham. The price per pack is crazy, and it’s illegal to light up in a bar or even a city park. Luckily, puffers can unleash their rage by ashing all over a graphic of Manhattan. grandslamnewyork.com, $3

6  Canned NYC air 

The idea of paying ten bones for some of the free stuff that keeps us alive may seem like a ludicrous waste of money. But this is New York: Ludicrous prices are what we’re all about. Each can contains a mix of air from near the Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building and other attractions. etsy.com, $9.99

7  Times Square thong 

When things are getting hot and heavy, there could be no greater turn-on than a sudden reminder of this ridiculous part of town. ’Cause if any nook of this city screams romance, it’s Times Square, right? Right?!? cafepress.com, $11.99

8  Taxi-print suspenders 

To quote Homer Simpson: “So, how about those rainbow suspenders, huh? Pretty cool way to keep your pants up, eh?” These are even cooler, man: They allow you to inject a little bit of big-city class into your countrified, shabby wardrobe. Super cool peeps can also get a pair with the Statue of Liberty on them. grandslamnewyork.com, $15

9  Statue of Liberty bong T-shirt 

What a sight to see: the green lady, baked with a bag of chips beside the golden door, providing guidance to your sleepy, your buzzed, your huddled stoners yearning to toke up. It’s a moving testament to the enduring spirit of American freedom. Or whatever. amazon.com, $19

10  Bond No. 9 New York perfume 

Fear not; Bond No. 9’s extensive line of designer perfumes is merely inspired by the many iconic New York locales they’re named after (such as Chinatown, Washington Square and Coney Island)—they don’t actually smell like them. Turns out “Eau de Rotting Garbage” didn’t make it past the focus groups. bondno9.com, $190

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