When you're single in Austin, it can seem like everyone around you has found the Romeo to their Juliet, the Kim to their Kanye, the Topo to their Chico. Why? Because this city is so goddamn romantic. Look at those lovebirds, paddling in unison down the Colorado River. Stare at those paramours lovingly share a BBQ platter designed for two. So you hop on Bumble, Tinder, OKC, Grindr, whatever, swipe like your life depends on it and fill your calendar with dates. While we hope it all turns out for you (we really do!), the truth is that you'll likely find yourself in one of the following scenarios that befall anyone who is dating in Austin. But don't give up—paddling down the river can be fun on your own, too.
1. You'll meet your match at a dog park—and then probably like your date's dog way more than its owner.
2. At least one of you will have allergies and will spend the entire date sneezing and apologizing. Thanks, Cedar Fever, for ruining our makeup.
3. One drink will turn into four, because Rainey Street.
4. You'll talk for an hour about the tattoos you both have, then another about the design for your next one. Who knows—maybe after all those drinks on Rainey you'll end up with matching ink. Sorry, Mom.
5. A sweat ’stashe is normal—and, after a couple drinks, totally sexy.
6. You'll be in a swimsuit by the second date. What? It's hot out.
7. You'll meet someone who ticks off all the right boxes, but after realizing their pedicab side gig means you'll never see them on weekends, you'll call it off. At least you got a bunch of free rides out of it.
8. "Come see my band Tuesday night. We're really good." Yeaaah, probably not.
9. You will fight over where to find the best BBQ, and probably break up if you're not on the same page.
10. You'll hike Mount Bonnell to watch the sunset in what's supposed to be a romantic outing, only to be a disgusting, sweaty mess once you reach the top. No one feels sexy at this point.
11. Does the I-35 or Mopac fall between you two? Nice knowing ya.
12. You'll find out that you've already dated their friend, coworker or roommate. It's up to you how far you want to go with this; we're not judging.
13. Forget about an Eastside/Westside battle. You'll argue about whether North Austin or South Austin reigns supreme, and then judge them on their favorite spots in either area.
14. That guy who calls himself an entrepreneur? Yeah, his startup definitely never took off.
15. You'll fall in love with a fellow ACL-er, spend a magical weekend making out amidst a bunch of other sweaty bodies—and then never see your festival babe again.
Been there, done that? Tell us your quintessential Austin dating stories in the comments below.
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