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The 29 things you'll never hear an Austinite say

South Congress Avenue
Photograph: Denise Chambers South Congress Avenue

You'll hear plenty of phrases uttered by an Austinite on a weekly basis, mainly focused around topics like the weather, traffic and which taco spot has perfected the ratio of eggs to cheese. Things you won't hear an Austinite say? Let's just say that mentioning any bubbly water other than Topo Chico is sacrilege. Here are 28 other things you'll never hear a native say:

1. It’s Friday! Let’s go see some live music on Dirty Sixth.

2. I just don’t have time for any side gigs.

3. Topo Chico? No thanks, I prefer San Pellegrino.

4. I can’t believe how reasonable my rent is.

5. The cocktail bars here suck.

6. I work a 9 to 5 job.

7. West Austin is so diverse!

8. Wanna call a cab?

9. I can’t make happy hour; I’m working late.

10. I’m craving pizza. Want to order Papa John’s?

11. I wish it were warmer.

12. Let’s go walk up and down South Congress!

13. The Oasis has great food and great service!

14. Margaritas have no place in my life.

15. Dinner and a movie at the Alamo Drafthouse? Nah—Regal Cinema has a dope snack bar.

16. There’s nothing to do tonight.

17. Austin is a goddamn craft beer desert.

18. My Tinder date paid for dinner.

19. This Whole Foods trip was hella cheap!

20. Thank god half of East Sixth was replaced with condos.

21. SXSW is pretty chill.

22. Pflugerville is the place to be.

23. I cannot find one Game of Thrones watch party.

24. Let’s go have our photo taken in front of the “i love you so much” wall.

25. I’d like to shake hands with whomever planned this highway system.

26. It’s actually pronounced, “WAH-DAH-LOO-PEH”.

27. You know what I’m craving? Panera.

28. What’s an ugly sweater party?

29. I’m from Austin.

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