From ‘Kill Bill’ swords to John Malkovich dolls: The weirdest merch in movie history

Richard Linklater’s 1993 high-school classic is all summer boozing, partying and toking. So this air freshener would be perfect to mask the smell of weed as you roll into the parking lot with Aerosmith blasting. Definitely better than, say, a promotional Fred O’Bannion whacking bat.

In Jan de Bont’s 1997 disaster movie Twister Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton chase – and are chased by – a series of terrifying tornadoes across Oklahoma. So what better tie-in product to plug the blockbuster than… erm, a necktie? Seriously people, the launchable cow was staring you in the face

Replicas of the Gargoyles ANSI Classics sunnies Arnie wears in The Terminator were up from grabs back when James Cameron first unleashed his iconic sci-fi on the moviegoing public. Handily, for anyone who also wanted to cosplay as a no-nonsense San Francisco detective, they’re the exact same shades Clint Eastwood wears in Dirty Harry. Win win.

If, like us, you like to open your mail with a sword, this piece of Tarantino tie-in merch was for you. While it almost certainly wasn’t Hattori Hanzō-approved – and if you’re nitpicking, didn’t come with a tiny scabbard – it would have instantly bestowed iconic status on any mid-noughts desk space.

There’s a lot of pink in this cult road trip movie starring Wesley Snipes, Patrick Swayze and John Leguizamo as three drag queens driving to Hollywood – but none of it is painted onto the sides of its yellow 1967 Cadillac DeVille. Not that you’d know it this very fuchsia kitchy calculator. Maths is rarely this flamboyant. 

You’d think some kind of hair product, right? Turns out it was Puffy, the Border terrier who suffers serious torments in the Farrelly brothers’ gross-out comedy, who was MVP for the movie’s marketing department. Plastered-casted Puffy plushies were much sought-after swag for journos, especially with only 820 made. You were more likely to get hold of one of these: A Puffy to stick on your car antenna and subsequently lose at the car wash. 

‘Laugher is contagious’ reads the medical clipboard produced to encourage punters along to Universal Pictures’s 1998 hospital comedy. Spoiler: it wasn’t.  

Spike Jonze’s enduring hymn to outsiders on a path of self-discovery through John Malkovich’s noggin. So what better way to promote it than via a series of Matryoshka dolls inside a Malkovich doll? It’s so clever, we’re willing to overlook the fact that Catherine Keener looks like Nosferatu.

A piece of generic marketing clobber or a Planet Hollywood-era jewel that instantly evokes blissful memories of Arnold Schwartzenegger jostling with tiny schoolchildren? Depends on your feelings for Kindergarten Cop. Either way, we’d wear it out.

‘For Promotional Use Only: A Catalog of Hollywood Movie Swag and Promo Merch from 1975-2005’ is out now, priced $52. Most of the items featured will be auctioned off from Nov 4 via A24 Auctions, with proceeds going to the nonprofit Vidiots Foundation supporting the LA film hub.