Ok, so it's not actually diarrhea, but for the briefest of seconds, when that dark brown water drips off the shuk awning and lands smack dab in the center of your clean hair, it might as well be. The real mystery behind SHUK SHILSHUL: it never rains here...where is it coming from? What are its origins? Who do you answer to?
2. Yellowish goop
Don't be alarmed if a grainy yellow liquid drops onto your artichoke pizza while curing those midnight munchies before passing out on the Rothschild Boulevard lounge chairs. It is nighttime, and the bats are to thank, however, the mysterious substance didn't come from the orifice you think. No, no. That ain't no bat shit boys and girls. That's good ol' fashion BAT SPIT. Bat's gotta eat too. Plus, you try resisting those delicious dates dangling from every tree in plain sight when you're high (in the sky) on secondhand weed. It's just date syrup...that stale pizza could use a little added flavor anyways.
3. Chunks o' fun
Whoever thought giving MASA participants multiple-story apartments on Allenby with rooftop access, clearly had not heard of the "Beer Olympics" before. Throw in a coffix bar at ground level and these fresh-out-of college graduates are ready for the victory lap they've spent four years training for–equipped with 5-shekel beer (excuse me, 6-shekels now), kiosk label whisky, and a whole lot of Tubi. America burger just a stone(d) throws away? The perfect combination for some after-pregame UPCHUCK. Caution: avoid tall buildings after 2 a.m., despite 23 years of training, these frat boys still can't aim.
4. Cloud tears
Oh no! The shuk shilshul is dripping on me again, and it has returned with a vengeance...wait a second, why is it clear? And where is it coming from? I'm not even at the shuk. While Israel is as dry as a their dates, figs, and endless bounty of shriveled fruit for the majority of the year, there comes a season (more like a week, two tops) where the RAIN falls down. And when it rains, it pours. Enjoy it before it disappears for–what seems like–ever.
They may be dumb as a...well...pigeon...but their aim is on point. As pigeons tend to travel in flocks, while you may be so lucky as to avoid the first airborne package, you're sure to receive at least one lovely bundle of joy when out and about in the White City. That's right, we're talking about premium Grade A BIRD POOP. Don't sweat it (or spread it). You've still got those extra hand wipes from lunch. After all, urban legend claims bird poop brings good luck. Mazel Tov!
Jennifer Greenberg is the Web Editor of Time Out Israel. She gave up her maple syrup addiction to move to Tel Aviv from Canada, but brought with her a knack for sophisticated diction, thanks to her grandfather who kept words like 'haberdashery' hip, cool and happening.