Grandma
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Top five people you'll find at the Shuk

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1. The clueless tourist

 

By far the worst of the bunch, the clueless tourist missed the memo regarding appropriate walking pace – and direction – when passing through the center of the Shuk. They tend to swim upstream against a flood of informed shoppers, taking extra caution to stop for photographs at every single stall. Click! Clack! Kodak! Feel free to give them a friendly nudge to help them along on the difficult journey that lies ahead.

 

2. The commuter

 

These rebels with a cause spot their target, lay out their mission, and proceed without caution. Though hard to spot due to their extreme, cheetah-like speed, if you don't blink, you might just catch the wild species zipping down the side aisles of the Shuk. As they are on a clock and determined to reach whatever appointment or meeting awaits them on the other side (with sufficient time to spare), commuters are prone to the path of least resistance. They are unfazed by pushy hagglers, elephant print blankets, and overpriced fidget spinners.

 

3. The matkot enthusiast

 

There is always that one, naive individual in search of the perfect set of matkot paddles – this requires a visit to each and every stall inside the Shuk (and surrounding areas) and a failed attempt to bargain with each and every stall inside the Shuk (and surrounding areas) before narrowing down the options from 43 to 20, at which point stopping for lunch to recharge is compulsory. Once the matkot enthusiast has revisited their options, shaved a few more off the list, and discredited the frauds, they remain displeased, waving the white (beach) towel in surrender. To return another day...

4. The electric cyclist

 

Whoever thought taking a motorized bike down the middle of the busiest place in Israel, the Middle East, and possibly even the entire planet (not to mention, ON A FRIDAY), clearly forgot to take their crazy pills this morning. At least hop off and walk the hunk of metal through the market instead of trying to maneuver past fish guts, stray mutts, and candied nuts.

 

5. The Savta

 

Never underestimate the power of the Savta. Despite her frail physique, she's been at this longer than you've been alive. These grandmothers shop with finesse...and a magic force field that keeps out all other prototypes on this top five list. Don't you dare push her aside or even grace the grey hairs on her arms in the slightest, or she'll go off on you quicker than the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood: "Oh, but, grandmother, what a terrible big mouth you have." 

 

By Jennifer Greenberg, who avoids the Shuk at all costs.

 

Take a look at the top five excuses for being late.

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