15 tragic truths nobody tells you about being unemployed in Tel Aviv

Written by
Alex Geller
Jennifer Greenberg

Taking on the Start-Up Nation title comes with its baggage–while some thrive, most nosedive. We've all been unemployed at one point or another in Tel Aviv, and let us tell you, the "at least I can go to the beach all day everyday at no cost" rationalization only lasts so long before fading into the traumatic reality that a) you're broke, b) you only own one bathing suit, and c) you still have to pay rent. As recovering unemployees, we've created a list of sad truths when you're fresh outta job and fresh outta luck in the White City.

1. Suddenly, that 10 shekel malabi doesn't seem like such a steal anymore. At least Malabia's shesh besh is still free. 


2. Fun fact: the water you wash your feet with at the beach is potable.


3. We've all heard of air drying, but you'll soon discover that air washing is a thing too.


4. You don't have to be inside a café to use their wifi.


5. You'll convince yourself that everything is walkable in Tel Aviv because you can't afford a bus pass. "You're having a party in the North? No problem, I'll be there in 40...50 if I stop for malabi."


6. 'Monit Sherut' (aka shared taxis at a higher price)? Hellz nah.


7. Unemployment is the best form of rehab–since it's not like you can afford drugs or booze.


8. You don't need healthcare if you're extra careful.


9. 'Bageleh' are a girl's best friend.


10. You don't need AC, just really strong willpower.


11. The daytime hours can be lonely...go ahead and adopt an alley cat. Heck, why not take in a whole litter.


12. If that doesn't suit you, I hear cats are a good source of protein (and pair perfectly with a cockroach digestif).


13. Performance art is not just a conspiracy theory, but a worthwhile source of income.


14. 'Agorot' (Israel's equivalent to the penny) have feelings too.

15. You'll plan to update your CV, but won't because:
a) you don't own your own laptop
b) there aren't enough agorot in the world to afford printing copies and
c) you're tired from that long week at the beach

Still unemployed? Check out 17 ways to survive the summer heat without AC.

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