That first year as a transplant is chock-full of surprises, but these 22 'life events' are a given – for better or for worse.
1. You will walk a significant amount more than before.
2. You will ride a bike. You won't own a helmet.
3. If you live in Tel Mond, Ramat HaSharon, or Ramat Gan, you will make friends in the city center so you have somewhere to crash after a night out in Tel Aviv.
4. You will get:
d) all of the above
5. You will rewatch "You Don't Mess With the Zohan" and actually laugh this time.
6. You will have no idea what month it is for about a year, until you get used to the region’s subtle seasons...you will therefore get sunburnt in January.
7. You will fall victim to the dirty Shuk water that drips from the awnings down your back.
8. Your driver's license will expire AND you will forget how to drive a car.
9. Also, you will discover that while easy for some, parallel parking is NOT a walk in the park for everyone (particularly Israelis).
10. You will decide to sign up for a half marathon after a few jogs along the beach...
11. You will attempt to run that half marathon...
12. You will fail on the first try.
13. You will learn to barter with every salesperson, even the retail manager at Castro.
14. You will learn to sport a jacket in sweater weather, sweater in T-shirt weather and shorts whenever it's sunny.
15. You will learn how to cook the perfect shakshuka.
16. You will eat vegetables for breakfast...and like it.
17. You will take one surfing lesson...just the one.
18. You will get used to cockroach sightings in your apartment. Don't bother trying to kill them, they are bound to outlive you, your children, and survive long enough to see peace in the Middle East.
19. You will have a traumatizing experience at the Shuk on a Friday morning.
20. You will accept that however prompt you were in your last life, the phrase: "early is on time, on time is late, and late is unacceptable" no longer applies. Time here works like a Salvador Dali painting.
21. You will buy Havaianas and Blundstones and wear them interchangeably.
22. You will also go to a nightclub in Blundstones.
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