New Yorker's complain about the size of their apartments, Bostonians are well acquainted with the roaches, but Tel Avivians have the unique honor of living out both. Mixed with many more 'fun' surprises, here are the 24 things you'll learn after moving into your first Tel Aviv studio apartment.
1. Spraying for cockroaches is not a foolproof solution. Befriending the cockroaches on the other hand...
2. A squeegee is a man's best friend. A dog is not.
3. A hot plate can go a long way (so can a roll of paper towel).
4. It looks like a washing machine, it feels like a washing machine, but it doesn't always act like a washing machine. Better to flip your jeans inside out and re-wear them a few extra times.
5. It's not a teenage boy, give the dood some time after turning him on.
6. Maximizing closet space is key (especially since counter space is minimal and requires keeping all kitchen appliances off the counter when not in use).
7. In fact, why even cook? Pots and pans from MAX 20 are basically just period pieces anyways.
8. Skip the cleaning products. Buy an industrial package of wet wipes instead (or steal them from the Rothschild Allenby market).
9. There are infinite 'politically correct' adjectives for the size of your studio. Try 'homey,' 'quaint,' 'cozy,' 'comfy,' 'manageable,' 'relative,' 'nook-like,' 'easy-to-clean,' 'bite size,' 'adorable,' or 'affordable' for starters.
10. Coffee pot? Pfft...make sure your office has an espresso machine.
11. Never keep your bike indoors, even as a safety precaution. Choose a place with an awning of sorts for the rainy season.
12. No need to invest in Wi-Fi. Find shelter next to or close enough to a boutique hotel or café with free Wi-Fi. Frequent the café once, snipe the password, and you're all set.
13. Don't hoard, it only makes matters worse.
14. Use the public libraries. There's no space for a book collection, even if you're an English Lit graduate.
15. Forget about ice – that supposed freezer compartment inside your mini-fridge is mostly for show. Think twice before buying a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's too, unless you plan on finishing the whole thing in one sitting (no judgment).
16. Same goes for leftovers.
17. The bathroom is a place for 'business meetings' and not much else. However, one added bonus: you can sh*t and cook at the same time.
18. Revel in the freedom to plug your laptop into an outlet at one end of the room, and type at the other...same goes for a vacuum.
19. Wall decorations are overrated – function over form people.
20. Give it a week and you'll no longer be able to sleep without the soothing drones of car horns, cats, and clubs.
21. Your twin bed(/couch/office chair/dining room table) at age 25 will be smaller than your bed at age 5.
22. Two-ply? Who are you? Bourgeoisie?
23. If you don't have any Israeli family, make someone up or delve deep into that family tree for a third cousin's daughter's half-sister to cosign the lease.
24. If Arnona is included, pounce.