9 things that keep all Tel Avivians on their toes

One day it's a fountain, the next day it's a pile of rubble, the day after that, it's still a pile of rubble, and the day after that?...Congratulations! You guessed it, a useless pile of rubble.

How can it take one hour to repave the entirety of Allenby Street, yet one century to build a parking structure on Frishman? Guess you've got to choose your battles and Frishman Sabich hanger levels.

Is it really worth standing amongst a heard of drunk Israeli men, sticking out like a sheep in wolf's clothing, for a Jasmino pita when there is a perfectly decent hot dog stand / sandwich stall / sushi shop / drug front next door? Yes, my friend, yes, it is. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about taking my time too, but there's no shame in coming too early.

Who are they kidding, those tables out front are clearly for show. No one comes to Cofix Bar after work to grab a quality pint with their business partner and discuss last month's figures. You take your shot(s), order more, then run like the wind before anyone sees you inside.

I've spent days in here trying to find Topshop (try 20 minutes). I'm running out of oxygen, I've passed the Elephant slide thrice, and spent an hour crying in a dark hallway, can somebody please, please, please show me the way to the nearest exit (or Topshop)?

So I can spend three years in the army, complete my service as a commander in Air Force Intelligence, and wipe my own ass, but you won't let me into this fancy pants "speakeasy" of yours because what? I might attract a cougar?

It's the worst. Their hours are nonexistent (9:00 to 12:00). You wait all three hours just to pick up a package. And you'll probably receive someone else's mail (which isn't the worst, since it's probably better than the MIA bills you're not going to pay anyways).

"But your website says 8:00!" Lir hollers at the closed sign: all that separates her from the dimly lit bank–a lonesome tumble weed short of an apocalypse.