One night, zero regrets
If you're itching for a hunky European, but covering that up with a supposed "interest" in the indie band performing live that night, then Kuli is the place for you. Astonishingly enough, this bar/gallery/clothing store has successfully positioned itself at the center of Tel Aviv's nightlife institutions. In the past, the place was frequented mainly by young Tel Avivian artists; however, more recently, the tides have turned. Thanks to arts & culture websites that spoil all of Tel Aviv's best kept secrets (guilty, whoops), Kuli Alma is now filled with handsome tourists just waiting for you to take them to your stinky, rundown apartment. A recommendation for the short girls among us: equip yourself with high heels or platforms, or you will pass under the radar and may even get crushed to death by the many princes attempting to dance.
The cocktail temple housing the best mixologists in town not only delivers the perfect drink, but also someone to take home without feeling too sleazy. Thanks to the excellent martinis and the sexy atmosphere, Imperial is as a much a date night locale as a sanctuary for single 25-30 somethings in desperate need of a high quality pick-up. It should be noted that the prices are not suitable for every pocket, which raises the question of how much money is worth investing for some good, old fashioned sexy times.
The dark and sexy corners of this northern Tel Aviv establishment is perfectly built for scoping out a beautiful bystander for the evening. Its main sitting area is around the bar, allowing its customers the freedom to gaze at each other through clouds of smoke. The music is always loud in that glorious way that prevents or, if you will, saves you from unnecessary talk. The dense crowd is unavoidable, yet worthy of braving. In short: it is very difficult to leave this pub without a partner (or several) because it has the energy of a mass orgy.
If you start the evening at Aria Lounge, located in a preserved building on Nahalat Binyamin, there's a good chance that you will finish in a luxury penthouse (pun intended), or if you're lucky, a hotel on Rothschild Boulevard. The combination of chef's restaurant and cocktail bar with a dress code worthy of a bowtie and suspenders has turned Aria into one of the most popular places in the city, where the best and richest go to talk about politics and the economy and important adult stuff. Once every few months, the place arranges prestigious parties in other locations, and if you can get in, you're bound to go home with Mr. Big. Let's just hope that his soulless Nouveau riche appearance isn't compensating for a certain physical lacking.
Jasper John's strongest hours, like any professional pick-up bar, begin no earlier than two a.m., when everyone is already drunk enough to flirt with anything that breaths (...or doesnt?). The fact that it is hidden in a passageway off Dizengoff Street screens you from those obnoxious post-party streetwalkers, while maintaining the perfect amount of friendliness. Plus, if you go home late (aka early) enough, it might just come with breakfast in bed.
This club acts like a real live Tinder. Over the years, Radio has become popular among Tel Aviv bachelors desperate for casual, meaningless sex. Anyone who comes to this place needs to know exactly what they are getting themselves into. You probably won't get through a single minute without a random man coming up to you or inviting you for a drink, which can create a problematic meat market atmosphere. The archetypes: "let's dance as a joke," "stands too close to you," and "fixates on you a lot, but is too shy to make the first move." Go for the person whose armpits smell the best, and believe us, you'll undoubtedly get to know everyone's armpits during the night.
The twin brother of the Breakfast Club functions not only as a chill zone in comparison to the craziness behind it, but also as a place where you can actually hear something other than the deafening bass. Those who survive the Breakfast Club go to Milk to relax on the couches and find a suitable partner for the night. Just keep in mind that you're probably going to make your great escape in broad daylight - which could be embarrassing.
Right next to the corner of debauchery, more commonly known as the Rothschild-Herzl junction, hides a discreet "K" marking a small and relatively crowded bar that barely accommodates 40 people. The crowded seating, dark lighting, and powerful music make it one of the ideal places to make out on the bar. And it's all uphill (or downhill depending on how you look at it) from there...