There’s so much pride attached to living in Miami. We lay claim to some of the country’s best beaches, most killer nightlife and most beautiful people. But sometimes being surrounded by so much awesomeness makes us a little arrogant, too. If you find yourself getting gnarly stares from the person driving the rental car you just cut off or your Airbnb neighbor who has no idea why you just greeted him with a kiss on the cheek, you’re probably engaging in behaviors that make you an asshole everywhere except Miami. Here are 30 more jerk moves you can only get away with in the 305—because the rest of the world just doesn’t get it, bro.
1. Speaking Spanish by default to someone you’ve never met
2. Having a full conversation with a friend while blocking traffic. And then giving attitude when people honk at you.
3. Honking your horn if the car in front of you hasn’t moved the SECOND the light turns green. But when you are first in line, looking down at your phone and not the light so everyone but you misses it when you finally stop looking at your Snapchat feed.
4. Kissing a complete stranger or someone you have just met on the cheek
5. Speaking Spanglish
6. Showing up 45 minutes late for a meeting
7. Being the last person at a party and suggesting more shots
8. Talking for 15 minutes about nothing before you actually get the point of why you called someone
9. Talking on the phone the entire time you shop in the grocery store
10. Blatantly looking someone up and down when you meet them
11. Asking someone where she had her boobs/Botox/fillers done before you get to know her
12. Calling your child papi or mami
13. Calling someone you like “gordi” (little fatty)
14. Calling your husband/boyfriend papi
15. Wearing fur coats when it’s 60 degrees
16. Wearing shorts that show your butt cheeks, shirts that show your bra. To work. At an office.
17. Driving like a freaking lunatic. On every road. At full speed.
18. Getting pissed off at other drivers when YOU are the asshole
19. Wearing workout gear everywhere
20. Bragging constantly about everything—drugs, popping bottles, how big your boat is
21. Riding on a motorcycle at full speed with no helmet
22. Throwing a birthday party for a kid under 10 that cost $10,000
23. Going to a dentist because he or she offers Botox
24. Canceling on plans because it interferes with your manicure/pedicure/haircut/wax appointment
25. Wearing next to nothing to dinner and asking to have the AC turned up
26. Turning your hazards on in the rain
27. Slowing down without any warning or indication to other drivers because you’re looking for an address
28. Taking someone’s marked parking space because “you’ll be back in five minutes” and not returning for an hour
29. Wearing flip-flops to work/church/job interview
30. Calling your superior at work “bro” or “mama”