Hats Cheney

The annual London Literature Festival sounds like it could be the stuffy domain of semantic elitists and literary snobs, but a quick look at this year’s programme will completely quell those concerns. To start with, the theme is ‘Living in Future Times’, the perfect platform on which to explore science fiction, Afrofuturism and all the wacky technological advancements and societal projections that tickle our fancy (and occasionally our scepticism). There's close to 60 events across the 12 days of the fest at the Southbank Centre, but here are at least six events worth checking out.    Hear HG Wells' 'The Time Machine' read by actors including Christopher Eccleston            1. The Time Machine  Imagining a utopic paradise 800,000 years from now might seem a little clichéd in 2016, but when HG Wells wrote 'The Time Machine' in 1895, the idea of time travel was radical. The book’s social comments on status and exploitation remain relevant today, which is a good reason to either read it yourself or come along to the Royal Festival Hall and let three acclaimed actors – Christopher Eccleston, MyAnna Buring, Nikki Amuka-Bird – bring the story to life by reading it to you. The performance is directed by Cedering Fox (Artistic Director of WordTheatre). October 5, 7.30pm, Royal Festival Hall. From £15.   Margaret Atwood will speak at London Literature FestivalLiam Sharp   2. Margaret Atwood  There’s a good chance that you studied one of the 40 books (of fiction and graphic novels

Getting around London is not for the faint-hearted. Sometimes just leaving the house to face the onslaught of traffic and people and noise makes you feel like you deserve a medal. And now that we've spent two weeks watching top sports people from around the world push the limits and rise to greater heights, it’s important to take a quick look inward and acknowledge the daily triumphs of the average Londoner, whose routine incorporates at least a couple of these Olympics sports. 100m sprint You get distracted finding Pokémon, so you’re a bit late and you know that if you miss that train you’ll have to wait half an hour for the next. Citymapper tells you you’ve got two minutes to make a five-minute walk. You hold your bags close, try to forget that you’re wearing impractical shoes, and sprint like Usain Bolt to the station, only without the smile (or the speed, for that matter).     I lift so I never have to make 2 trips to the car lol. #weights #lift #fitness #fitmama #toomanybags #bags #photographer #photography A photo posted by Stephanie (@stephaniegower) on May 22, 2016 at 9:17am PDT   Weightlifting You need to carry your gym kit (you’re an Olympian after all), your laptop, a change of clothes in case of a cheeky sleepover and Trump’s bio for some tube lols. All of that essential baggage weighs a tonne and you cart it with you most days. Eat your heart out, Olympic weightlifters, Londoners lift every bloody day. Hurdles Dog shit, puddles, vomit, constant roadworks w

The pain of flat-hunting in London is all too real. If you've ever been on the hunt for a perfect pad, chances are you'll have met one or more of these delightful types. The too-cool-for-school Brixton babes They’re really just after a ‘cool’ person who routinely spends Sunday hungover after a night spent socialising with the ‘right’ people. Fun optional. ‘Cool’ person must be into culture enough to pass as a weekend hipster, but not so much that they’re unconventional, artsy or alienating. Also, said person must not have too much passion or enthusiasm – it messes with the cool vibe they’re rocking.  The landlord on a power trip He’s an older gentleman, a bit racist and incredibly superior. He rents out the rooms in the apartment in order to pay off his children’s university debts and considers the chosen lodger to be of great privilege, having the opportunity to live with him in his beautiful Clapham Junction Victorian terrace. He monitors the power consumption monthly on a meter so he can measure the exact impact the new lodger is having on electricity bills. After two interrogation sessions and over 20 text messages back and forth, he informs you via Spareroom automated message that you are not a suitable candidate. All you can think is ‘arsehole!’, but realise in hindsight that you dodged a bullet.    #abfab event #brixtonvillage #sweetiedarlings A photo posted by @toinonlegros on Jul 2, 2016 at 7:29am PDT   The eccentric Dalston artist He fancies himself as Monet,

Picnics on the Common, food at all hours and tolerance of entire weekends spent in active wear. It may be gentrified and civilised by day, but this neighbour to Brixton has its own messy underside. There are enough pubs to change your local every month and a main street heaving with clubs that you pretend you’ve never been to… until the clock strikes midnight. Yep, you know you’re in Clapham Common when...   A video posted by Hattie Lauren Grover (@hattie.grover) on Apr 8, 2016 at 4:07am PDT ...at least one person jogs past you every minute and every spot of grass is occupied by a bootcamp session. There’s even one class where the trainer communicates via headphones to avoid confusion. ...you're spoilt for 3am food choices – Clapham Tandoori, two kebab places, Roosters fried chicken – take your pick! ...you accidentally step in chunky vomit on the footpath early on Saturday morning (see 3am food choices).   A photo posted by Ripley (@mrripleyfromessex) on Apr 2, 2016 at 8:17am PDT ...you trip over a dog at least once. So. Many. Dogs.  ...you hear 'How ya goin’, mayte?' So. Many. Australians.   A photo posted by Windmill Clapham (@windmillclapham) on Aug 31, 2015 at 2:41am PDT ...you notice hoards of people flocking to the Windmill for a Sunday pub roast and trivia. ...you spot a butcher selling meat for £50/kg in a row of independent shops, including quaint cafés where service comes with a moustache-framed smile. Your Shoreditch mates will take their flat-brimm