We’re not ashamed to admit we love tucking into a Stephen King novel (preferably late at night with the wind howling at the door). Long underrated, the megasuccessful writer has his technique down cold. This Friday brings the big-budgeted movie version of his 1986 evil-clown tome, It, and while the trailer left us deliciously traumatized, our reviewer was less than impressed by the whole thing. It's a longstanding problem: Why do so many of Hollywood’s attempts at King adaptations give us the wrong kind of shivers? After watching 40 years of lame disappointments—and the occasional masterpiece—we break down a five-step winning game plan for translating the master of horror novels to the big screen.
1. Don’t hire Stephen King. For all his genius at the typewriter, King has a lousy record of turning his own work into decent scripts. Cat’s Eye (1985), the god-awful Cell (2016) and what should have been his scariest movie, the underwhelming Pet Sematary (1989), all come from boring screenplays by King himself. And let’s not dwell on the time King actually directed a movie: 1986’s sloggy Maximum Overdrive, after which the author publicly promised to never step behind a camera again.
2. Go off-book. King can’t be beat for gooey details, compelling characters and those italicized passages that quietly invade your skull. But structurally, he can be self-indulgent. In making the iconic The Shining (1980), Stanley Kubrick invented elements like the hedge maze as well as that torrent of blood rushing from the elevator. Writer-director Frank Darabont wrote a completely different—and darker—ending for The Mist (2007), one that King endorsed as superior. Big of him.
3. Bring in a fearless actor. Tonally speaking, these novels sit just across the border from good taste. So the best performances in successful King movies are hatched by actors willing to get completely unhinged. Christopher Walken’s wild-eyed prophet in The Dead Zone (1983) is probably that screen legend’s finest two hours, bar none. And for all of Sissy Spacek’s sensitivity over an Oscar-winning career, she’s never been as hypnotic as she was while covered in pig’s blood in Carrie (1976).
4. Hire a director with a sense of humor. Let’s say you’re not Kubrick—because face it, you’re not. The smart play would be to contract with someone who understands the naughty, often-funny strain of panic in King’s work. John Carpenter made a wry version of Christine (1983) that emphasized the book’s nerdy revenge; the film is now a beloved cult object. And zombie master George Romero turned five of the author’s short stories into Creepshow (1982), pound for pound the funniest King adaptation to date.
5. Never let the audience go home happy. Studio heads may prefer a clean exit, but King’s material is supposed to linger in the mind. If you’re loving The Shawshank Redemption (1994)—and why shouldn’t you?—you’re connecting with a film about the secret integrity of murderers and thieves. In Rob Reiner’s Misery (1990), the specter of crazy, sledgehammer-to-kneecap fandom is never quite vanquished. Terror is a free-floating idea that never dies. So leave us spooked, ’kay? King is watching.
And since you’re no doubt wondering, below are the five best Stephen King adaptations. See them all—but not over the course of a single night. We can’t be responsible for your therapy.
Carrie (1976) Moral of the story: Never invite a telekinetic misfit to the prom and then douse her with pig’s blood, because (a) you will die a fiery death; and (b) someday there will be a really bad remake. An unparalleled meltdown movie, Brian De Palma’s lurid thriller—starring an inspired Sissy Spacek (who actually got an Oscar nomination, rare for a horror movie)—is the film that will no doubt be on the director’s tombstone.
The Shining (1980) From a certain perspective, all of Stanley Kubrick’s movies are horror films: 2001’s terrifying cosmic loneliness, Dr. Strangelove’s cheery annihilation, the death duels from Barry Lyndon. Which is all a way of saying that when the director finally got around to making a proper thriller, he paradoxically produced the ultimate comic satire on the American family. With blood in elevators. Essential.
Creepshow (1982) Potentially traumatizing if seen at the right age, George Romero’s lurid homage to the histrionic horror of EC Comics is also his most enjoyable film. Filled with broadly funny appearances from up-and-comers like Ted Danson and Ed Harris, the movie also wrangles thousands of cockroaches for its final, notorious segment. King, writing in his peak period, penned the five original stories.
The Dead Zone (1983) In a nominal move toward the mainstream, Canadian body-horror specialist David Cronenberg helmed an excellent adaptation of King’s novel about a psychic (Christopher Walken) who must decide whether to assassinate a politician who is destined to bring about a nuclear holocaust. Martin Sheen plays the blustery faux-populist warmonger; there used to be a time when such caricatures only existed in the movies.
The Mist (2007) Kicking off like a creature feature in the vein of The Host but darkening into a study of apocalyptic social panic worthy of The Birds, this one is horror manna for the crazy faithful. A pungent cross-section of America finds itself trapped in a supermarket after screams are heard. Rational doubt yields to biblical fury from a local loon (Marcia Gay Harden) and action heroics spring from as unlikely a source as Infamous’s Toby Jones.