When you think of America's Founding Fathers, you normally think of Benjamin Franklin, George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. While those men were undoubtedly key in the founding of the country, they were also, well, pretty darn ugly. With the Fourth of July coming up this weekend, we decided to take a new and vital spin on remembering the people who formed our country: We are ranking them by sexiness.
Bow chicka wow wow.
Since cameras were not yet invented during the time of the American Revolution, we had to go by their portraits (these men definitely are oil paintings). The rankings are by no means objective, but if you don't remember some of these men for their political accolades, at least you can remember them for being absolute foxes.
10. William Floyd
William Floyd was a signer of the Declaration of Independence, a delegate in the First Continental Congress when the American Revolution kicked off and later a member of the New York State Senate from 1777 to 1788. His role as a Founding Father is often forgotten, but we'll certainly remember his stone-cold stare and a jawline so tight our legs are a-trembling.
9. John Marshall
John Marshall was the cousin of Thomas Jefferson, and was certainly more attractive than the author of the Declaration of Independence. Marshall was the Supreme Court's fourth Chief Justice, as well as an early leader of the Federalist Party in Virginia. He was a key figure in forming and establishing the judicial branch of American government, and, frankly, we wouldn't mind him punishing us for being a bit naughty...
8. John Hancock
John Hancock is famous for leaving a huge signature on the Declaration of Independence (so let's hope he wasn't compensating for something). Perhaps he applied that sort of attention-grabbing antics to his dating life—something like spelling out a giant "I Love You" in flower petals on his lovers' front lawn. In any case, his dreamy eyes are enough to make any revolutionary salivate.
7. Jonathan Dayton
Jonathan Dayton was the youngest person to sign the Declaration, and we'll be damned if he wasn't a looker. He boasted the brow of a nobleman and a set of lips that are just begging to be kissed. Sure, he'd eventually be arrested for treason in connection with Aaron Burr's infamous conspiracy, but that doesn't mean we wouldn't love to drink wine out of his belly button.
6. William Few
William Few was a Revolutionary War hero who helped fight off British forces in the South. One look at his portrait makes it clear that he's having none of your nonsense—he seems like the kind of guy who'd order you around like you're a volunteer militia soldier in late 18th-century Georgia (someone get me a fan, please).
5. Francis Hopkinson
Francis Hopkinson was a member of the first Continental Congress, a federal judge and a poet. Imagine this quick-witted Founding Father with a face that could set a whole city swooning whispering sweet nothings into your ear. Imagine that, then try not to quiver.
4. Richard Bland
Richard Bland served on the Continental Congress, and died just a few months after the Declaration was signed. Bland came from a well-to-do Virginian family, and was also a cousin to Thomas Jefferson. His big pockets don't get him to number four, though—it's the firm way he's gripping that table, and dreaming of what it would be like to be in its place.
3. Richard Stockton
Richard Stockton was a signer of the Declaration, and the son of a wealthy landowner who donated land to what would become Princeton University. His intense stare and athletic build is the "dreamy American man" prototype, and we'd love to declare our independence from inhibition if we found ourselves in the throes of passion with him.
2. Alexander Hamilton
The subject of the mega-smash Broadway musical Hamilton was a super sexy dude. The Founding-Father-without-a-father's good looks got him into trouble, though, as he engaged in a years-long affair with a woman that brought shame to him and his family. Though he was short in stature (a mere 5' 7"), his handsome face is a welcome sight in this writer's wallet.
1. Arthur Middleton
If you don't remember Arthur Middleton for signing the Declaration of Independence or being a hero during the Revolutionary War, then you should remember him for being the goddamn sexiest Founding Father of the bunch. His soft, dreamy face and kind eyes are downright magical (and look at the way he's softly caressing that hand!). After dying, he was described as a "tender husband and parent." Oh, how we'd love to feel some of that tenderness 240 years later.