If your ex reminds you of a paraphyletic insect, we have the gift for you.
Zoos across America are offering the opportunity to name a cockroach after your bad ex, and then that cockroach will be fed to exhibit animals as the ultimate revenge. Because why shouldn't a vile creature named after someone you hate also help some cute animals?
At the San Antonio Zoo, the annual Cry Me a Cockroach fundraiser has returned in time for Cupid's bow. Donations to the zoo ranging from $5 to $25 will earn you a digital downloadable Valentine’s Day Card. Share the note with your ex to inform them they were named after a cockroach ($10), rodent ($25), or veggie ($5) and fed to an animal at San Antonio Zoo. Anyone can participate, as all donations are completed digitally.
For a really bad ex, there's also a $150 upgrade package. With this personalized option, the San Antonio Zoo will create an individualized video message of your cockroach, rodent or veggie being fed to one of the animals for to send to a not-so-special someone. T-shirts and mugs are also for sale to commemorate the event.
In New York, the name-a-roach program at Bronx Zoo has also returned for Valentine's Day. Popular since its launch in 2011, this program encourages roach love, so you can name the critter after a true Valentine or a scorned ex. $15 gets a name certificate sent out the morning of February 14, with larger packages including the option to purchase a roach tote, tumbler or virtual experience to chat with live experts and a surprise animal guest.
Even up north in Canada, a country known for niceness, heartbroken exes can name a roach after their ex thanks to the Toronto Zoo's new program. Lovers can also adopt a penguin couple.
Whether you're celebrating with someone special or cursing someone especially horrible this Valentine's Day, you're not alone when you have a cockroach as an ally.