Does a bear poop in the woods? Yes, obviously, and so do you, on occasion. Long hikes, nuts and berries moving their way through your GI tract, the noted absence of a restroom on the trail… you’ve got to figure out how to do it. Luckily, Mono County Tourism has created a hilarious instructional video for you. The group based in California’s Eastern Sierra’s social media post announces, “Here’s how to ‘Poo like a Pro’ in the wilderness while visiting the Eastern Sierra!” followed by the poop emoji.
In the video, a young woman in the woods looks apologetic as the narrator announces, “In Mono County, your #2 is becoming our #1 problem.” As the camera moves to her male counterpart, he sits on a log and sets down his backpack. The woman then points in the distance, acting out for the young child with the first bit of advice in the video: you must select a place that is 200 feet from any campsite or water source.
Next, the man demonstrates the second instruction: you must dig a hole that is 6-8 inches deep. He’s using a trowel and in the backcountry, that’s something you need to carry in your pack.
When you reach the third piece of advice, things get wacky. You have to “pick your position,” which the family does—fully clothed—with goofy smiles. There’s the squat, the throne, the dirtbike (in which the woman holds a branch in front of her for support and then “revs the engine”), and less-likely positions… but we won’t plot-spoil them.
The final step is to package up your soiled toilet paper—which doesn’t go into the hole you dug. And if you don’t want to use that hole, the narrator suggests bringing along a portable “wide bag toilet” (essentially, a quart-sized ziplock). The man is seen putting a bit of toilet tissue into a dog bag and then zipping that into a ziplock. The law “pack it in, pack it out” is invoked, and then you see the ziplock going into one of the bear boxes that California backcountry parks use for trash so that bears won’t strew waste (of any kind) everywhere. Yes, believe it or not, bears can open other kinds of trash cans, so these are designed to outsmart them. Then, you clean your hands with hand sanitizer as the man does. The video ends with the woman smiling ethereally and the narrator speeds up his voice to ask you to “poop responsibly, and thank you for keeping Mono County beautiful.”
The video lasts a minute and gets its message across. We all dislike seeing walking trails where dogs have left shite behind… the ick factor is multiplied exponentially when the poop comes from a human. Whether you’re in Mono County or in Yosemite’s backcountry or another of our country’s amazing national parks, this bit of knowledge can go a long way to improve the experience of those who walk the trail after you.