How to score a second date

Between all of the swiping, texting and days spent chatting (whether via text or an app), dating today can feel like a full-time job. Regardless, if you’re looking to truly put your best foot forward on a date, read on for the top dating dos and don’ts, according to some of the nation’s leading experts. While some of these “rules” may seem simple in theory, they serve as much-needed reminders to be on your best behavior on the date—and the days leading up to it. 

Dos

Put your phone away.
It may sound simple, but according to Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, this “jerk move” is one of the most common dating mistakes. Her motto? “If you are on a date, the rest can wait.” Otherwise, you run the risk of making your date feel underappreciated and undervalued, which means you likely won’t be getting a second date (nor do you deserve one). 

Keep the conversation two-sided.
Dares should involve speaking *and* listening, says Maria Sullivan, dating expert and Vice President of Dating.com. Besides, she exclaims, “No one wants to go on a date where they feel like they can’t even get a word in because the other person is too busy talking about themselves the whole time.” As such, Sullivan recommends engaging your date “as much as possible” in conversation topics—and more about those below. 

Set boundaries and, if applicable, say no.
“If your date is crossing your boundaries, be open and honest about your limits if needed,” explains Sullivan. For example, “make it clear if you would like to take things slow or slow things down.” Remember, it’s okay to say no on a date, “even if that leaves your date feeling disappointed.” Besides, Sullivan says, “Being truthful about your feelings will help weed out dates who aren’t interested in being genuine or getting to know you beyond the physical and surface level, so it will only benefit you in the long run.”

Be confident—and check your nerves at the door.
Spoiler alert: Confidence is key when it comes to getting out there in the dating world—so why not fake it ‘til you make it? According to Sullivan, this will “set the tone of the entire date while simultaneously providing your partner with the idea that they should highly value you, based on how highly you respect and value yourself.” Ultimately, your partner “can and will” pick up on the energy you exude on the date, whether it’s nervousness or confidence: so opt for the latter and thank us later.

Confirm the date in advance!
Rori Sassoon, the founder of Platinum Poire, a New York City-based matchmaking and VIP dating service, recommends confirming the date “at least” 24 hours beforehand. According to the dating and relationship expert, confirming at the last minute can start the date off with “bad energy.” What’s more, she explains, “When you confirm the date ahead of time, you are showing respect and thoughtfulness toward your date and their schedule.” So, there you have it: It’s not rocket science, folks. Instead, it’s all about R-E-S-P-E-C-T. 

Don’ts

Talk about your ex.
According to Trombetti, this one is “tied with the phone for the number-one dating mistake.”  That's because oversharing about previous relationships while on a date lets the other person  know that you really “aren’t ready to move on.” To put it bluntly, says Trombetti, “No one cares about your ex.”

Get too personal, too quickly.  
Certain conversation topics, such as money and one’s physical attributes, for example, should be avoided entirely on a first date. Per Sullivan, “Talking about personal finances or appearances can give your date the wrong idea about what you’re looking for.” Instead, Sullivan suggests sticking to subjects that are “open-ended and personal, but not too personal or invasive” that will “allow you to get to know them better while also giving them room to speak about themselves.”

Show up late, especially without a legit reason!
Sullivan calls this one of “the biggest red flags” in dating. Moreover, she says that “showing up late without an apology or a valid excuse will give your date the idea that you do not value their time or them.” Plus, it also gives the impression that you’re not in it for the, ahem, ~right reasons~ (i.e., a serious relationship). 

Take control of the conversation.
According to Sassoon, taking control of the conversation on a date is a big no-no – even if the person is giving long-winded responses. Per the dating expert, the person could be nervous, which is just one reason (besides basic courtesy) why you should respectfully allow them to finish their thought.