The worst films of 2016

Whack! Thud! Zap! Droop! Snooze! Yes, there are a few impressive action moments in Zack Snyder’s blockbusting behemoth. But how, we ask, is it possible for a movie about two such iconic and intriguing comic-book heroes to feel about as much fun as a wet weekend in Bognor?

Controversial before it was released for the casting of Caucasian actors as Egyptian gods, this risible historical fantasy fails on every level. Director Alex Proyas called his critics ‘a pack of diseased vultures pecking at the bones of a dying carcass’. Which makes his film what, exactly?

‘Go back to Fuckheadistan!’ is the most memorable line of dialogue in this tale of Islamic terrorism on the streets of our fair capital. Clumsily racist, idiotic and noisy, it’s the Donald Trump of low-rent action movies.

Bill Murray in Afghanistan? We’re sold! But this lifeless comedy about a slumming American music promoter who discovers a singing talent in a remote tribal village goes nowhere, slowly. Bill must’ve run up some serious long-distance charges phoning in his performance.

Just when you thought that Johnny Depp’s stock couldn’t get any lower, along comes this repulsively over-ornate sequel to Tim Burton’s eye-scorching, CG-slathered fantasy film. 

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the cinema after ‘New Year’s Eve’ and ‘Valentine’s Day’, along came Garry Marshall with the most tasteless product yet from his drippy romcom sausage machine. How he managed to persuade actual talents like Julia Roberts and Jennifer Aniston to get involved is anyone’s guess.

You might not believe it now, kids, but once upon a time Robert De Niro was the world’s Greatest Living Actor. Now he’s playing the lead role in a movie called ‘Dirty Grandpa’. It almost doesn’t matter if the result is any good. It’s not, though, obviously.

If you’re the kind of person who reads Paulo Coelho books while meditating over a cup of chai tea, hurry along to this modern fairytale in which Will Smith meets the living embodiments of Love, Time and Death. If not, run screaming in the other direction.

Give ‘The Accountant’ its due: it’s bloody funny. That wasn’t the intention, of course. But the utter seriousness only makes this story of an autistic killer maths genius (Ben Affleck, of all people) even more hilarious. ‘Gigli’ fans should pay particular attention.

It demands a special kind of talent to take one of Stephen King’s very worst books – about a killer cellphone virus that turns people into voracious zombies – and make it even worse. This spectacularly nonsensical and pointless horror movie feels like ‘The Walking Dead’ scripted by a drunk 12-year-old.

Has there ever been a decent comedy about a suburban couple who become embroiled in wacky spy-type hijinks? We can’t think of one, but somehow they just keep getting made. This particularly risible example totally wastes talents like Jon Hamm and Zach Galifianakis.

It takes months of work to create a modern cartoon, but ‘Ice Age 4’ still somehow managed to look like it had been slapped together the night before by a pair of disinterested digital animators on a deadline.

Back in April, when this amateurish, wilfully ill-informed slice of Bible-bashing nonsense arrived in UK cinemas, the idea that American Christians might actually see themselves as a put-upon minority seemed completely laughable. We’re not laughing any more.

The movie equivalent of one of those knock-off Taiwanese toys called things like ‘Space Wars’ and ‘Robert Cop’, this formidably atrocious Mexican reboot of the beloved Hanna-Barbera cartoon is like watching your happy childhood memories being shredded by the claws of a giant wisecracking CGI cat.

The decision to remake Kathryn Bigelow’s masterpiece of male bonding was bad enough. But this disastrous reimagining added insult with its idiotic script, cruddy effects and punchable cast. Ray Winstone, what were you thinking?