A week in the life of a Tel Aviv cat
Captain of the S.S. Purrrr, Seamus Longwyskers relishes in his thirst for adventure more than a tasty bowl of milk. This legend of the 7 seas and 9 lives has conquered every pirate from Black Beard to Hair Ball, he’s laid with the mythical furmaids in the reefs of Meowi and he’s opened Davy Jones’ Locker just to shut it right back in his face! Captain Longwyskers, I salute you!
“‘It wouldn’t take too long,’ he said. ‘Just a couple of minutes, an hour tops. It’s mating season, they all swim to the shallows to mate.’ It’s been 6 hours and no fish. Not even a nibble. I usually trust my human, but sometimes I think he’s stupid, especially with food. He eats disgusting plants, but throws away delicious bird carcass. Ugghh I’m so hungry I think I might cough up a hairball. Mmm what I would give for a chunk of tuna, or a simple salmon would do, it doesn’t have to be big. Oooh, or what about a lovely sea bass, or a bluefish? Oh, or maybe a mackerel….”
- Sylvia Tiddlywinks
“You know, like, a lot of people come up to us and ask us, like, ‘Hey, why don’t you bums get outta that plant box and, like, go get a job?’ But that’s just, like, not our lifestyle man, I wasn’t put on this Earth to, like, conform to society and do what everyone else thinks, like, I’m supposed to do. Right Todd? Eh, Todd’s sleeping we’ll let him sleep. But yeah, like, dude what’s more down to Earth than, like, a box full of plants, right? And the thing is I’m happy. Like, I’m genuinely happy and, like, most people don’t get that, you know what I’m sayin’?
- Steve & Todd (last names unknown)
“Well normally I’d fancy some daffodils or maybe even a handful of raspberry plants when I want to make my famous raspberry cobbler, but golly gee willikers ain’t those purple and yellow pansies a sight to see? I’ll tell ya, just like I told my friend Betsy Lou, I said, ‘Betsy, don’t I just got the dandiest garden?’ And you know what she told me? She said, ‘Lily Ann, you darn tootin’! I reckon you got the best garden in five counties!’ And Jasper heard her say it, ain’t that right Jasper?”
-Lily Ann Stapleton
It’s been a long, arduous journey, but they must go on. They must keep searching for the small and elusive, Mickey Mouse. While the hunting party began with five, they are now down to three. Scrambles was left splattered after being hit by a car. Snuffles didn’t wake up this morning; hypothermia the most likely cause of death. Now, only Chester, Patches and Ginger remain. At one point they were hot on his tail, but the scent was lost four days ago. Now they are left walking blind, caught between sheer determination and utter stupidity. They can’t give up! Those ears, those damn mouse ears!
It’s every cat’s dream to be alone for a night in a pet store just as it is every kid’s dream to be alone in a toy store–nobody telling you what you can and can’t eat, no limits; every flavored treat imaginable just there for the taking; salmon, tuna, chicken, beef, hell they even tried some bacon treats for dogs just to see how they tasted. Tommy and TildaTacotruckson lived the dream for one night. But this morning, they paid the consequences. As you can see, Tommy couldn’t even make it to a bed. I feel bad for their litter box.
"Honey we've been at this store for two-and-a-half hours! Are you getting the dress or not? This is getting ridiculous! The game is on in 20 minutes. Don't give me that cat-titude. You know what, I’m getting a purrito at the food court and you better be ready when I get back!"
- Gary Indiana