1. Post-Aliya Complainers
Typically fresh-off-the-plane, Anglo olim who are infuriated with their new lives, and need to let it out.
Triggers include: obnoxious Israelis, taxi drivers who respond to their fumbling Hebrew in English (“how are we expected to learn?”), misrad haklita… actually, any misrad.
Their mission: to kvetch about the dismal state of the Jewish homeland, particularly in comparison to the "Eden" that is the US of A.
2. Nervous Nancies
Typically new, Anglo olim — anyone sensing a pattern here? — who are constantly alert, searching for potential dangers.
Triggers include: any loud noises, (“Did anyone hear that boom?”), multiple sirens, anything posted on Ynet.
Their mission: to seek solace amongst other anxious types with which to nervously laugh and exchange neurosis.
3. Shameless Promoters
With new bars/restaurants/clubs opening on a daily basis, the only way to get the word out is with a very loud voice and a lot of chutzpa.
No triggers needed.
Their mission: to draw in the crowds by whatever means necessary, aka persistent posting and heavily filtered photos featuring a hot girl/guy in skimpy swimwear or a cute puppy.
4. Preachers
Holier-than-thou types who will get involved in any cause.
Triggers include: Donald Trump, anything dog-related (particularly leaving your dog behind while you relocate abroad), veganism.
Their mission: to asserting their moral superiority, while simultaneously diminishing your self-worth.
5. “Only In Tel Aviv”
Sprightly Zionists who can’t get enough of the quirky workings of Tel Aviv.
Triggers include: a beautiful, or even fairly standard, sunset, anything slightly unusual, cats.
Their mission: to share the crazy, beautiful, wacky White City, causing cynics everywhere to roll their eyes and sigh deeply.
Don't believe us? Or maybe you feel like preaching yourself? Let the Secret Tel Aviv facebook page know how you feel.