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Miguel talks robot sex, his parents and queefs. Obviously.

There’s only one man out there who could soundtrack the copulation of an entire population. Thankfully, he’s just as filthy as his songs in real life

Miguel topless

Miguel makes music that’s a mixture of modern R&B and IVF. His dreamily psychedelic yet funky, guitar-infused sound often prompts suggestions that he may belong to the same royal bloodline as Prince, while his lyrics are often so potently, soakingly, saturatedly sexual that just one listen will probably get you pregnant. Blokes included.

If his 2010 debut album ‘All I Want Is You’ was a sleeper hit, then 2012’s ‘Kaleidoscope Dream’ was an everyone-wants-to-sleep-with-me hit. It earned the handsome Californian a Grammy, plus the panting, panty-flinging adoration of millions (though even the most flammably fervent fan couldn’t hold a candle to Miguel’s girlfriend of ten years, magma-hot model and singer Nazanin Mandi).

Latest album ‘Wildheart’, released in June, is on track to be huger still. It’s been birthed into the ideal environment: audiences primed by The Weeknd, Drake and Frank Ocean are lapping up its atmospheric new-wave grooves, and its explicit themes – which celebrate women’s bodies and put their carnal pleasure forefront, while leaving no doubt that Miguel will still bang the begging breath out of them – perfectly suit a generation seeking raw yet righteous boudoir beats. To compare Miguel’s lyricism to oil: it’s far from extra virgin, but not misogynistically crude. In fact it’s slick, glossy, delicious, and… um… lubricating.

Given how X-rated your music can be, I’m just going to dive right in. First up: a company called True Companion is due to launch the world’s first artificially intelligent ‘sex robot’ this year. Would you shag a sexbot?
‘Woah! That’s some futuristic shit! I’ll always prefer the real thing, but a couple of years ago I read about a pair of sex toys being developed: one of them is basically a type of masturbation tube that the man sticks his dick in, like a Fleshlight, and the other is a dildo that a woman slides into herself. Whatever moves the man makes are copied by the dildo, thrusting in and out, and if she clenches her pussy, the guy can feel the tube squeeze around him. You can watch each other over webcams while you do it, like virtual fucking – you don’t even have to be in the same country. It’s a genius idea. Wish I’d thought of it.’

You can get Fleshlights cast in the shape of celebrity vaginas nowadays. Can we expect ‘Miguel’s Meatstick’ to hit shelves soon?
‘Hmmm, I’m not sure how my girl would feel about a ton of strangers pleasuring themselves with a rubber version of me.’

‘I’ve always wanted to have sex in a theatre, hidden behind part of the set while a play was being performed’

Miguel

Is there anything left on your sexual bucket list that you haven’t tried yet?
‘Oh man, I’ve always wanted to have sex in a theatre, hidden behind part of the set while a play was being performed. You’d have to be completely silent, so you didn’t interrupt the actors, and you could hear them saying their lines while you were busy creating your own secret, private scene.’

I fantasise about getting busy in a vehicle going through a carwash, having to finish before the lather is wiped away…
‘Yeah, that’s fun. I can tell you first hand. That. Is. Fun.’

Ahem, anyway: you’ve just started your European tour. Do you have any rituals to get yourself in the right mood before you take to the stage each night?
‘Rituals? Ha – yeah, me and my crew have a hippy shrine that we toast to and smear our blood over in a bonding ceremony before every gig. Nah, I’m joking – oh shit, the illuminati conspiracy theory trolls are going to go wild over this online now.’

Ever read anything really weird about yourself on the net?
‘I stopped reading that stuff a long time ago. I did have a crazy experience on Twitter recently, though. Someone hacked my account and started messaging Mac Miller. Mac was suspicious so he called them up and asked: “Yo, is this the actual Miguel chatting to me online?” It wasn’t – but we decided we should collaborate anyway. He was in a studio on the highway right near where I was rehearsing before my tour, so I dropped by on my way home one night and we knocked out a track [‘Weekend’] in like, an hour. Mac is honestly one of the coolest dudes I’ve ever met. He’s very chilled, very laidback – and very funny.’

Yeah, Mac’s music has got darker over time, but his early stuff has a fun, playful vibe. You seem like a witty guy yourself, but I don’t hear that much on your albums.
‘It’s interesting you should say that, as I’ve been thinking about incorporating more of my sense of humour in my music. I’m very goofy, but the only song that’s hinted at that so far is “Quickie”, from my debut, which is kinda cheeky. Sex is always going to be a central theme for me as it’s a huge part of my life, but I want to reveal other parts of my personality in layers, so fans learn more about me through every record.’

‘I’m not sure how my girl would feel about a ton of strangers pleasuring themselves with a rubber version of me’


The latest record is packed with obscene lyrics about ‘lips, tits and clits’ – do you ever cringe, knowing your parents have listened to it?

‘I don’t find that embarrassing – I think they know where I get it from! Plus, I wasn’t created in a lab. My parents had sex to make me. They know the deal!’

You look like you were created in a lab, specifically to make women and gay men salivate. How do you feel about your male admirers?
‘I don’t create music for any one gender. I make music for humans. Whoever appreciates my music, I appreciate them. As for people appreciating me physically – well, I love my body, too! So long as you look but don’t touch, especially if you’re male, it’s all good.’

What are your thoughts on pubes? Should a lass wax down below or let the ladygarden grow?
‘I like a woman to look like a woman. It’s nice to be groomed, but I’m not into that completely shaved thing – it feels too much like looking at a little girl to me. Maybe liking fuller bush is related to the old-school porn I first jacked off to when I was growing up, too.’

‘We’re not many decades away from everyone essentially being mixed race, yet racism is still an issue’

Miguel © DeShaun A. CraddockMiguel © DeShaun A. Craddock

Talking of self-pleasure: nobody loves themselves more than Kanye, who wants to run for president. Do you have any political aspirations? Sexual Health minister, maybe?
‘When you’re an artist with a lot of people watching you, you do have a chance to draw attention to causes. I’m in an interesting position as a person of mixed origin [Miguel’s father is Mexican American; his mother African American]. The world is getting smaller every day, and skin colours and cultures are becoming more blended as people travel, fall in love and have kids – we’re not many decades away from everyone essentially being mixed race, yet racism is still an issue. It’s something we need to talk about and maybe I can help start positive conversations.’

Finally: please describe the smell of sex.
‘Um… Warm, and cascading. I don’t pay that much attention to smell when I’m making love. I’m more of an auditory person – I like the sounds two bodies make while moving together: the moans, the slap of a spank, a gag. All that shit. And the sound of someone cumming… Mmmmm.’

And maybe the squelchy parp of a fanny fart?
‘What, like a queef? You’re in the middle of fucking, man! Who cares about that shit? Just ignore it and push on! And turn the music up.’

Miguel's new single, ‘Waves’, is out on October 23.

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