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the very worst R Kelly songs

The very worst R Kelly lyrics

As R Kelly drops his latest album 'The Buffet', we revisit the R&B icon’s most wince-worthy lines

By James Manning
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R Kelly – singer, producer, deeply controversial R&B icon – has been making music for more than 25 years. In that time he’s been responsible for more tortuous innuendos, tone-deaf come-ons and dodgy sexual metaphors than any other artist – and that’s without even mentioning ‘Trapped in the Closet’, his farcical multi-chapter ‘hip hopera’.

The self-anointed King of R&B’s latest album drops this week, and to mark the occasion we’ve compiled some his biggest lyrical misfires. Over to you, Kels…

R Kelly lyrics

1. ‘What’s going on inside my pants, I can’t explain’

r kelly song lyrics

From 1993's ‘I Like the Crotch on You’.

2. ‘Inside of your walls there will dwell a Capricorn, That will feast your body all night’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2000’s ‘The Greatest Sex’.

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3. ‘Girl put your body on a dinner plate, I just can’t get enough of your buffet’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2015’s ‘Poetic Sex’.

4. ‘I want sex on all the holidays and every single weekend’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2005’s ‘(Sex) Love Is What We Makin’’.

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5. ‘Tonight you’re lying with a sex genius’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2013’s ‘Genius’.

6. ‘This toilet paper be cutting my ass, I need some rolls of tissue’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2007’s ‘Best Friend’.

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7. ‘It’s like “Murder She Wrote”, Once I get you out them clothes’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2003’s ‘Ignition (Remix)’.

8. ‘Cookie, cookie, cookie, I’m a cookie monster, Break your back, crack it open like a lobster’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2013’s ‘Cookie’.

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9. ‘I’m all up in your middle, Ooh, it tastes like Skittles’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2007’s ‘Sweet Tooth’.

10. ‘You like to go shopping, I like it when you’re topless’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2015’s ‘Anything Goes’.

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11. ‘It’s like “Jurassic Park”, but I’m your sexasaurus’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2007’s ‘The Zoo’.

12. ‘Baby you’re pregnant in April, Which means we’re having a Capricorn’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2007’s ‘Havin’ a Baby’.

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13. ‘Sex in the kitchen, over by the stove, Put you on the counter by the buttered rolls’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2005’s ‘In the Kitchen’.

14. ‘Like two gorillas in the jungle, makin’ love’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2003’s ‘Snake’.

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15. ‘After cheesecake with all of your friends and family, Who’s gonna front the bill? Me’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2000’s ‘Don’t You Say No’.

16. ‘Tonight I’m gonna pull a switcheroo, Do you mind if I strip for you?’

r kelly song lyrics

From 2000’s ‘Strip For You’.

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17. ‘You remind me of my Jeep, I wanna ride it’

r kelly song lyrics

From 1995’s ‘You Remind Me of Something’.

R Kelly releases ‘The Buffet’ on Friday Dec 11.

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