Worldwide icon-chevron-right Europe icon-chevron-right United Kingdom icon-chevron-right England icon-chevron-right London icon-chevron-right The best and worst music merch out there

The best and worst music merch out there

All the amazing – and amazingly bad – things that someone, somewhere thought was a good idea

By Kyle MacNeill and Oliver Keens


Stormzy beach towel

Nowadays the best music merchandise is sold online, not flogged by the soundman from a tatty back-of-the-venue stall. Like this #merky beach towel from grime hero Stormzy. Secure that sun lounger in style and take the resort by storm(zy).

£35 from


Burial mug

Pictures of famously anonymous dance genius Burial are almost non-existent, meaning this is – wait for it – a chance to finally get a good look at his mug! Urgh. Anyway. according to the website, it’s ‘made in collaboration with Burial himself’. Even though it’s literally just his logo slapped on to the side of a porcelain mug.

£10 from

Ed Sheeran

Mrs Sheeran T-shirt

Not previously known for being a sexual megalomaniac, Ed seems to have a fetish for seeing a stadium full of women all professing to be his lady. Either that or his mum. Oh, that’s just weird.

£24.99 from

George Ezra

George Ezra tea towel

Perfect for anyone that finds Ezra literally dishy. Or anyone who thinks he’s as wet as a flannel.

£15 from

Erol Alkan

Erol Alkan baby onesie

Given the amount of noughties wasters who coupled-up at Alkan’s seminal club, Trash, this is genuinely charming.

£13 from

Craig David

Craig David T-shirt

Post-modernism in excelsis, as the boink man references Frankie Goes to Hollywood.

£20 from


Shame T-shirt

A stroke of genius from London’s finest, Shame. Yes: that’s the body of Kim Jong-un, with the head of Macaulay Culkin, waving an EU flag.

£15 from

Jason Derulo

Jason Derulo/Keep Calm T-shirt

Possibly proof that Jason Derulo would have been a horny, distracting nightmare during WWII…

£17.25 from

James Bay

James Bay hat

Is ironic narcissism a thing? If so, pretty boy singer James Bay has totally nailed it with this contribution to millinery history.

£20 at

Forget the merch, go catch the music


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