Worldwide icon-chevron-right Europe icon-chevron-right United Kingdom icon-chevron-right England icon-chevron-right London icon-chevron-right The best and worst music merch out there

The best and worst music merch out there

All the amazing – and amazingly bad – things that someone, somewhere thought was a good idea

By Kyle MacNeill and Oliver Keens
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Stormzy

Stormzy beach towel

Nowadays the best music merchandise is sold online, not flogged by the soundman from a tatty back-of-the-venue stall. Like this #merky beach towel from grime hero Stormzy. Secure that sun lounger in style and take the resort by storm(zy).

£35 from stormzy.com

Burial

Burial mug

Pictures of famously anonymous dance genius Burial are almost non-existent, meaning this is – wait for it – a chance to finally get a good look at his mug! Urgh. Anyway. according to the website, it’s ‘made in collaboration with Burial himself’. Even though it’s literally just his logo slapped on to the side of a porcelain mug.

£10 from www.hyperdub.net

Ed Sheeran

Mrs Sheeran T-shirt

Not previously known for being a sexual megalomaniac, Ed seems to have a fetish for seeing a stadium full of women all professing to be his lady. Either that or his mum. Oh, that’s just weird.

£24.99 from store.edsheeran.com

George Ezra

George Ezra tea towel

Perfect for anyone that finds Ezra literally dishy. Or anyone who thinks he’s as wet as a flannel.

£15 from georgeezra.backstreetmerch.com

Erol Alkan

Erol Alkan baby onesie

Given the amount of noughties wasters who coupled-up at Alkan’s seminal club, Trash, this is genuinely charming.

£13 from shop.phantasysound.co.uk

Craig David

Craig David T-shirt

Post-modernism in excelsis, as the boink man references Frankie Goes to Hollywood.

£20 from store.universalmusic.com/craigdavid

Shame

Shame T-shirt

A stroke of genius from London’s finest, Shame. Yes: that’s the body of Kim Jong-un, with the head of Macaulay Culkin, waving an EU flag.

£15 from shamebanduk.bandcamp.com

Jason Derulo

Jason Derulo/Keep Calm T-shirt

Possibly proof that Jason Derulo would have been a horny, distracting nightmare during WWII…

£17.25 from www.jasonderulo.com

James Bay

James Bay hat

Is ironic narcissism a thing? If so, pretty boy singer James Bay has totally nailed it with this contribution to millinery history.

£20 at store.jamesbay.com

Forget the merch, go catch the music

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