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The other day, I was asked by a New Yorker who was in town if Miami is always this hot. I smiled, because… duh. It’s as hot as Hades up in here 11 months out of the year. Then, she asked me where I go to escape the heat in July and August. Again, I smiled. Where am I supposed to go? I can’t skip town on account of it being hot AS–but a girl can dream. If given the choice, here are the 12 places Miamians would rather be when it’s so hot in the city that your soul might just melt.
The desert
Just as hot as Miami but with the added benefit of having a smelly camel around to mask your own BO
New York City
Mr. Softee! Fire hydrants! Central Park!
A Las Vegas pool party
That thong thong thong thong thong
A sweat lodge
Schadenfreude!
Boston
Because if we’re going to watch baseball, we think someone should win
A trashy nightclub in Cancun
Three words: Wet T-shirt contest
Europe
If we’re going to be gross and sweaty, we want culture
A boat
Weekend plans: check!
A coal mine
At least you don’t have to deal with heat AND hurricanes
Alaska
It’s so hot, we actually want to be near snow
San Diego
It feels like Miami in the winter, giving us hope this will soon be over
The set of a rap video
You have the right to remain shirtless