Thinking we have New York and Los Angeles all figured out, us Miamians find Chicago incredibly intriguing. What’s so fascinating? An unabashed enthusiasm for fatty foods that many year-round beach dwellers won’t dare explore, the notion that the same city was home to Oprah Winfrey, Hugh Hefner and Kanye West and much more. In an effort to explore this interest of ours, we asked a group of Miamians what they really thought about the Windy City when they first visited it.
1. Where do I find Oprah?
2. People are so nice here. Is this a prank?
3. Strangers make eye contact and say hello. Novel.
4. This lake is way bigger than what I imagined. Are we sure it’s not a beach?
5. Navy Pier is so the Chicago cousin of Bayside.
6. Will I look ridiculous if I take a selfie with The Bean?
7. That Bean must be so hot. Note to self: don’t touch it.
8. What is this magical rain that’s not making my hair frizz?!
9. Chicago rain feels like Chinese water torture. It goes on and on and on.
10. Chicago: a clean version of New York City.
11. What's with all the traffic?
12. What does a girl have to do to get some ketchup on her hot dog?
13. The Windy City? Give me a break, we’re used to hurricane-force winds in Miami. [Waits five minutes] What is with the wind chill?!
14. Is this what it’s like to live in a city where people follow rules and street lights/bridges/trains/parking meters function properly?
15. Uber drivers speak English!
16. So this is frostbite.
17. Is it really a trip to Chicago if you don’t a) go to a comedy show, b) catch a baseball game or c) watch the Bulls play?
18. What happened to the romance on this boat tour? My Best Friend’s Wedding is a farce.
19. What do you mean I don’t have to pay to go to the zoo?
20. Chicago has a beach? Lies.
21. Deep-dish pizza seems like it’d have a lot of carbs. But then not eating it is like going to Miami and not having a croqueta.
22. Why do bars close so early?
23. Can I wear my Herve Leger or will people think I’m a hooker? Everyone is so conservative here. Maybe I can get a cable-knit Herve?
24. Is Chicago brick cheaper in Chicago?
25. The Sears Tower doesn’t actually have a Sears in it. Never mind, it’s now called the Willis Tower.
