The year is just about in the rearview mirror, Miami, so we've dusted off our crystal ball for a quick glimpse into the future. What's in store for 2018? Allow us to venture a few educated guesses (and a couple absolutely unfounded ridiculous ones).
1. The mall will be cool again. Long live malls. With the new Brickell City Centre and the insanely extra Aventura Mall (complete with nine-story slide!), being a mall rat is officially cool again. Bye bye, online shopping and shipping fees.
2. Miami’s hot new neighborhood will be Doral. You heard us. Doral. High rent and a lack of land will force Miami’s cool folk westward. Many businesses have already made the jump. Doral is already home to M.I.A. Beer Company, Tank Brewing, Biscayne Bay Brewing, a whole bunch of amazing food, relatively affordable rent and the new CityPlace Doral.
3. The end of Miami’s red light camera program will make crossing the street an extreme sport. Miami will be ending its red light camera program by early 2018, which means, for Miamians, the yellow light will once again mean: speed the eff up. Take note, pedestrians.
4. A Miami restaurant will finally earn a Michelin Star. Can you believe we don't have a restaurant in Miami with a Michelin Star? Us either! Maybe Michelin is scared of I-95 at rush hour—fair enough—but we have a feeling 2018 is going to be our year, with Wynwood newcomer Three and two upcoming restaurants from superstar chefs Thomas Keller and Marcus Samuelsson all giving us a good feeling about our chances.
5. More “firsts” will come to Wynwood (but not necessarily good ones). Wynwood got its fair share of firsts in 2017: its first food hall, rooftop bar, family-friendly arcade, etc. In the next year, it’ll be harder and harder to give the neighborhood firsts it actually wants. Brace yourself for a—gulp—CVS.
6. Miami’s food hall craze will be bad news for hostesses, good news for busboys. The coming food hall explosion in Miami will revolutionize the restaurant industry in a lot of ways, but the seat-yourself style will certainly be bad news for hostesses. Busboys, however, are going to be in high demand. Also, we're going to start calling them “buspeople” because 2018 will also be about inclusivity.
7. Miami’s next breakout star will be even weirder than Lil Pump. This year saw the rise of many South Florida musicians, but none as inexplicable and damaging to the eardrums than 17-year-old Miami native Lil Pump, the shrieking maestro behind the anthem “Gucci Gang.” Who will be the next Miami kid to catch fire? No idea. But, whoever it is, it's going to be an oddball with a face tattoo whose breakout single is going to be the auditory equivalent of a root canal.
8. Derek Jeter will trade the remaining Miami Marlins for seven baby goats and shout “Gotcha!” before jumping on a helicopter back to Yankee Stadium, where he will high five Hal and Hank Steinbrenner. He played us like a damn fiddle.
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