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We don’t know why you’ve gotten to this point. Perhaps your favorite Miami restaurant just took that amazing burger off the menu (legit problems). Or working from home means your only coworker is that long-neglected philodendron in the corner (have you considered a dog?). Or maybe it’s just time for a good soul-renewing sob to remind you of all the good that’s in the world—somewhere. Either way, it’s time to weep like Forrest just learned Jenny’s not going to make it. Here then is where you can bust out a good cry in public in Miami, places where your uncontrollable emotional breakdown will fit right in.
NiteOwl Drive-In
Nobody’s going to judge if you were to weep during the showing of a tear-jerker on an outdoor screen at this makeshift drive-in that’s smack in the middle of downtown (with a second location coming soon, perhaps?). We suggest you might wait for the breakup scene.
Shark Valley
The Everglades is a wide expanse of nature that’s perfect for dumping a body and/or getting far, far away from anyone else. Here at Shark Valley, you can walk or bike a seven-mile paved trail, giving you plenty of space to let out all that’s pent up and see nobody else aside from a few judgment-free gators.
Hard Rock Stadium
The Dolphins and Hurricanes play here. Must we say more?
Freedom Tower
From 1962 to 1974, what may be Miami’s most iconic building served as the Cuban Assistance Center for newly arrived immigrants from our island neighbor. Now, the tower holds a Miami Dade College museum that dedicates space to the Exile Experience, a fine reason to let a good cry rip.
Carbone
No matter what you do, no matter who you know, will you ever get a reservation? Will you ever know the joy of the spicy rigatoni? Will you shed tears when the maître d tells you to get lost? And if you do get in, will you blot the check with tears when you see that said rigatoni cost you $33?
Coral Castle
From 1923 to 1951, Latvian immigrant Edward Leedskalnin built this part-impressive, part-bizarro castle as a monument to the love of his life, a woman who canceled their wedding just a day out. So then, it seems entirely appropriate to let out a sob while wandering through this totally strange collection of obelisks and half-built whatevers.
Miami Marine Stadium
They built this Virginia Key waterfront stadium in 1963 to watch powerboat races, but it has rotted for a lifetime after being declared unsafe in 1992. Now it sits graffiti-covered and decrepit, a glimpse into what the world will look like after the apocalypse. We can’t advocate jumping the fence, but joining the mobs who have Instagrammed from the old stadium will surely result in a lonely spot to reflect on all that’s wrong in the world.
Colony Cafe
Yelp has a page titled Worst Restaurant in Miami, and top on the list is Colony Cafe, where 80-plus reviews have averaged out to 1.5 stars. If you believe those reviews, you will likely cry before or after a trip here.