Everything on the Five Guys menu, ranked worst to best

“A horror show. The texture is like a gloppy cheese tarpit layered with the bones of mushrooms, onions and soggy lettuce that did nothing to deserve this fate.”—Stephanie Breijo

“To be fair, the mushrooms are delicious, but the bread is too sweet without anything to balance it out. If I were vegetarian, I’d skip this entirely and content myself with fries and a shake.”—Kate Wertheimer

“Although it had a generous amount of meat, it definitely lacked flavor, which made the sweet bun taste even sweeter. No one craves a sweet burger. No one.”—Danielle Dimeglio

“I feel like i’m in N’awlins! Kidding. The fries themselves are fine, but the seasoning tastes pretty stale. Wish it had more punch.”—Tim Lowery 

“Why would you make a bacon burger without cheese?! The bacon doesn’t do a good enough job of balancing the rest of the flavors.”—Kate Wertheimer

“Cheese improves almost anything, but that’s not the case here. It tastes oddly bland and somehow detracts from the hot dog.”—Michael Juliano

“There’s a little too much oil at play here, and they’re a little undercooked, but I’ve always been a sucker for a soggy fry.”—Stephanie Breijo

“Solid crunch, solid levels of I’m-going-to-need-a-gallon-of-water-later salt, solid amount of cheese holding it all together. But is it just me or does this taste a little sweet? I think it’s the bread? Why is this happening?”—Stephanie Breijo

“As a Chicago native, I wish the dog had some snap. But I dig the fresh ingredients on top.”—Tim Lowery

“Anything with crispy bacon on it is a win for me. Needs something to offset the saltiness though.”—Danielle Dimeglio

“The bacon’s crispy, and there’s enough of it—and 10 out of 10 doctors agree that insufficient bacon was the pitfall of every bad BLT ever made.”—Stephanie Breijo

“Solid chee’burger! The flavors are balanced really well and they didn’t skimp on the cheese or the rest of the toppings. It’s not as boring as the plain burger but not as much of a cholesterol bomb as a burger with bacon on it.”—Kate Wertheimer

“Delicious. Great cheese-to-bun ratio.”—Dana Briskin

“I’ve never ordered a hot dog at Five Guys before—because why not order the burger?—but now that I’ve tasted this griddled-onion beaut, it’s a brave new beef-frank world.”—Stephanie Breijo