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Everything on the Five Guys menu, ranked worst to best

Time Out staffers taste their way through all the dishes at Five Guys to concoct the ultimate menu ranking

Written by
Tim Lowery

There are worse ways to spend your afternoon at work than stuffing your face with everything that Five Guys has to offer—like, you know, actually working. But that’s just what Time Out staffers were treated to the other day in order to rank all the offerings at the fast-food behemoth (minus the free peanuts, of course). Check out the results of our uberscientific taste test below. And if all that talk of burgers and dogs has you hankering for more, Miami, consult our lists of the best burgers in Miami, best diners in Miami and best restaurants in Miami.   

Five Guys dishes, ranked from worst to best

Cheese Veggie Sandwich
Photograph: Courtesy Five Guys

14. Cheese Veggie Sandwich

“A horror show. The texture is like a gloppy cheese tarpit layered with the bones of mushrooms, onions and soggy lettuce that did nothing to deserve this fate.”—Stephanie Breijo

Veggie Sandwich
Photograph: Courtesy Five Guys

13. Veggie Sandwich

“To be fair, the mushrooms are delicious, but the bread is too sweet without anything to balance it out. If I were vegetarian, I’d skip this entirely and content myself with fries and a shake.”—Kate Wertheimer

Photograph: Courtesy Five Guys

12. Hamburger

“Although it had a generous amount of meat, it definitely lacked flavor, which made the sweet bun taste even sweeter. No one craves a sweet burger. No one.”—Danielle Dimeglio

Cajun Fries
Photograph: Courtesy Five Guys

11. Cajun Fries

“I feel like i’m in N’awlins! Kidding. The fries themselves are fine, but the seasoning tastes pretty stale. Wish it had more punch.”—Tim Lowery 

Bacon Burger
Photograph: Andrew Fladeboe

10. Bacon Burger

“Why would you make a bacon burger without cheese?! The bacon doesn’t do a good enough job of balancing the rest of the flavors.”—Kate Wertheimer

Cheese Dog
Photograph: Andrew Fladeboe

9. Cheese Dog

“Cheese improves almost anything, but that’s not the case here. It tastes oddly bland and somehow detracts from the hot dog.”—Michael Juliano

Photograph: Courtesy Five Guys

8. Fries

“There’s a little too much oil at play here, and they’re a little undercooked, but I’ve always been a sucker for a soggy fry.”—Stephanie Breijo

Bacon Cheeseburger

7. Bacon Cheeseburger

“Solid crunch, solid levels of I’m-going-to-need-a-gallon-of-water-later salt, solid amount of cheese holding it all together. But is it just me or does this taste a little sweet? I think it’s the bread? Why is this happening?”—Stephanie Breijo

Bacon Dog
Photograph: Courtesy Five Guys

6. Bacon Dog

“As a Chicago native, I wish the dog had some snap. But I dig the fresh ingredients on top.”—Tim Lowery

Bacon Cheese Dog
Photograph: Courtesy Five Guys

5. Bacon Cheese Dog

“Anything with crispy bacon on it is a win for me. Needs something to offset the saltiness though.”—Danielle Dimeglio

Photograph: Courtesy Five Guys

4. BLT

“The bacon’s crispy, and there’s enough of it—and 10 out of 10 doctors agree that insufficient bacon was the pitfall of every bad BLT ever made.”—Stephanie Breijo

Photograph: Courtesy Five Guys

3. Cheeseburger

“Solid chee’burger! The flavors are balanced really well and they didn’t skimp on the cheese or the rest of the toppings. It’s not as boring as the plain burger but not as much of a cholesterol bomb as a burger with bacon on it.”—Kate Wertheimer

Grilled Cheese
Photograph: Courtesy Five Guys

2. Grilled Cheese

“Delicious. Great cheese-to-bun ratio.”—Dana Briskin

Hot Dog
Photograph: Courtesy Five Guys

1. Hot Dog

“I’ve never ordered a hot dog at Five Guys before—because why not order the burger?—but now that I’ve tasted this griddled-onion beaut, it’s a brave new beef-frank world.”—Stephanie Breijo

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