Bottom’s up: It’s the Democrats’ turn.
As we finally sober up following all those tequila shots we took down while listening to Donald Trump talk about “the wall” at last week’s Republican National Convention, we prepare to start drinking again as Hillary Clinton takes the Wells Fargo Center’s stage in Philadelphia today through Thursday to formally accept the presidential nomination at the Democratic National Convention.
With themes ranging from “United Together” to “A Lifetime of Fighting for Children and Families," and a potential star-making turn from freshly announced Vice Presidential pick Senator Tim Kaine, the Convention promises to be a very entertaining one (or, you know, just a series of nightmarishly dull orations in need of some booze-focused spicing up).
Get your flasks out, brace your livers and play our Democratic National Convention drinking game.
Sip on your wine:
Every time the words “Bin Laden” and “women” are mentioned.
Every time President Obama, who is scheduled to talk on Wednesday, brings up the Affordable Care Act.
Every time Clinton brings up President Obama.
Every time Trump tweets during the convention (he's going to be live-tweeting the whole thing and you, dear drinker, are going to get alcohol poisoning).
Whenever Chelsea Clinton takes the stage—in sympathy. If mom wins in November, she'll need lots of liquor to deal with the rush of psychological issues that come with realizing that both her parents will have, at one point or another, held the highest office in all of the land. Talk about parental expectations.
Every time a celebrity graces the screen—Lena Dunham, Katy Perry and America Ferrera are just a few of the stars expected to give some sort of speech.
Take down a shot of whiskey:
For every email you receive while watching the Convention. (Oh, Tim Kaine's emailing to introduce himself again—what a gent!)
Every time former presidential candidate Bernie Sanders mentions his average campaign donations (make your shot exactly 27 milliliters).
For every dig that Senator Elizabeth Warren takes at Trump.
If any speaker makes a comment on the size of Trump's hands.
Every time Vice President Joe Biden says something inappropriate, because we know he’s prone to that sort of thing.
Every time Clinton explodes in her signature, seemingly uncontrollable laughter:
BONUZ BOOZE:
Finish the entire bottle if your emails magically get deleted after the convention.
Drink until there are no drinks left as Michelle Obama takes the stage because, even if you forget about her speech, Melania Trump will most likely remind you of it in the future.
Polish off an entire bottle of Everclear if Bernie Sanders pulls a Ted Cruz and fails to endorse Clinton.