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[title]Emily May is the executive director of Right to Be (formerly called Hollaback!), a non-profit that endeavors to end harassment in all forms with free and incisive educational programs. Since its founding in 2005, the global organization has expanded to more than 20 cities around the world and has helped legions of people feel empowered to tackle harassment head-on. As part of a team of “educators, motivators and facilitators [who are] listening, guiding and cheering [folks] on,” May knows quite a bit about providing support. Recently, she made time in her very busy schedule to do just that as a virtual mentor for the future seekers we profiled here. This group of hardworking, community-oriented young people shared their questions about work, life and career with May, who got real about her work in stamping out harassment, how she defines success and what keeps her motivated.
What do you consider the most important factors for longevity in a career?
I need to be on a constant learning curve. The second I stop learning or being challenged is when I disengage. Sometimes what this job teaches me is beautiful, and sometimes it’s downright painful. Sometimes I find myself screaming to the universe, “Can I have just a really boring day, please?!” But I know that’s not what I’m here to do.
How do you stay inspired, and how do you tackle creative blocks?
I have always been able to see, hear, smell, and touch what a world without harassment would feel like. It feels both palpable and imminent to me. I’m genuinely confused by people who think it’s “impossible” or “unrealistic.” Whenever I get tired or lost, I just re-ground myself in the vision of a world filled with humanity, free of harassment. I think about what it would feel like to walk and breathe in that world. And then I take a nap, or talk to a good friend, and I’m ready to go again.
What do you think makes for a fulfilling life? What makes you happy and why?
For me, happiness is about relationships. I love the connective tissue that connects runs between people I know and people I don’t. I love caring for people and being cared for. This is why harassment is such a core issue for me—because if we can’t take care of each other, what are we doing?
When life brings you to a crossroads, how do you decide which direction to go in?
I bring it to the people I trust the most. I double-check all my blind spots, and if any of the decisions would lead to regret. And then I just go for it.
What’s the hardest decision you had to make relating to your job, and how/what did you decide?
When I decided to leave my full-time job to be executive director of Right To Be (then named Hollaback!), we had no grants—and I had no income. That was scary. But it was the only choice that felt right. I felt like if I didn’t do it—I would always live with regret. I started getting paid seven months after I started, and I’m proud to say, I have no regrets.
How do you keep your feelings separate from your decision-making?
Feelings are a form of information that can be really important to decision-making, but like all information, you have to investigate the source. Is this feeling related to this situation, or something else that happened in my life? Is this feeling trying to tell me something that I’m trying to ignore, or is this feeling exaggerated because I’m scared? Once you figure out what’s under your feelings, your feelings can be really helpful in informing the decision.
Have you achieved what you set out to do? If not, what would that feel like?
In a world without harassment, filled with humanity, I would wake up feeling loved. I would walk down the street and say good morning to everyone, never fearing that it would escalate into a comment about me or my body. I wouldn’t worry about my kids getting bullied. When I open the newspaper, it would be filled with stories of people taking care of people, because when you take away all forms of harassment, including financial harassment, systemic harassment, institutional harassment, as well as human-to-human harassment, there isn’t a lot left to write about.
How do you define what your end goal should be?
I want to build a world free of harassment and filled with humanity. And then I want to retire on the beach with a margarita.
Will you ever understand exactly what it is in your life that leads you to your passion?
I was a teenager in the '90s with parents who came of age in the '60s and '70s, wondering why my generation didn’t have the same tradition of activism. But then I realized that we did. While baby boomers tackled structural inequities with bravado, my generation and those younger than me have tackled how we treat people with the same bravado: #blacklivesmatter, #metoo, #stopaapihate all being prime examples.
How and where do you find inspiration?
During my career, I have seen harassment go from “the price you pay” for being a woman in the workplace to universally unacceptable for all marginalized identities, no matter where you are. That’s a profound and historic shift. If that’s what we can accomplish in 18 years, what can we accomplish in the next 18?
If you only had one quote to live by, what would it be?
When we’re cooking or making a plan to go somewhere, my Aunt Susan will often shrug and say, “How bad can it be?” I feel like it’s such a great reminder to take a risk—and that if something is awful it’s probably a matter of perspective.
What’s something you wish you didn’t take for granted when you were younger?
I don’t think I fully appreciated sleeping in. My kids woke me up (very enthusiastically!) at 5am this morning.
In a digital age and rapidly changing world, what advice would you give to someone trying to forge their path right now?
The tools are different, but the advice is the same: chart your own course. Even when you think it’s impossible, or there are too many things holding you back, there is almost always a move you can make to make a situation better align with your vision for the world and yourself.