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Lollapalooza 2016, Sunday
Photograph: Jose Calvo Lollapalooza

26 moments that give every Chicagoan anxiety


While Chicago offers more than a few ways to relax (pristine beaches and outdoor bars), living in any big city can be stressful. From taking the CTA every day to “dibs” to the sheer number of summer festivals, there are tons of little triggers that make Chicagoans inexplicably anxious. These are just 26 of them.

When all your friends start getting married and moving to RavenswoodAnd on that note...

When your friends buy an actual free-standing home and you wonder where you went wrong. A literal house.

Leaving your apartment during Lollapalooza weekend. Like, at all.

When you're always one year and one neighborhood behind the "cool neighborhood" that all your friends live in. Good thing I just signed a two-year lease in Wicker Park.

Getting in an UberPool with sweaty teens going to Spring Awakening. No, I won't buy you beer.

When you secretly love ketchup. Don't you dare tell a soul.

When you end up at a cash-only bar with no ATM. Extra points if you've already ordered the drinks.

Spending the entire month of October waiting for the temperature to drop. Will it ever be warm again?

When the timer on your CTA bus app randomly jumps up five minutes. K, guess I'm sprinting for the bus now. Cool.

The moment you realize you're old enough to be a parent to Lollapalooza's target demographic. This is fine. Everything is fine.

When your co-worker invites you to his improv show. Literally anything could happen.

The split-second after you tap your (potentially valueless) Ventra card. Please, please, please...

Anytime a Chicago-based team makes its way to a championship game. Even if you don't care about sports, the entire city gets real stressed out.

The day before you realize that those sonic booms are rehearsal for the Air and Water ShowAh, the annual fear of immediate nuclear war.

When everyone's like, "Yaaaas it's spring!" but it's still 40 fucking degrees out. Am I...supposed to...feel warm? And even worse...

When people start wearing flip-flops and cargo shorts in March. NO. Just no.

Deciding whether or not the train operator can be trusted when he says he has an immediate follower. It's the lie that keeps society afloat.

When you have friends in town who *need* to try deep-dish pizza. What if they hate it?

When you get an itch on your leg and are convinced you have bed bugs. Yep, that's it, burning all my clothes now.

When your "friend" opts to host her birthday party in WrigleyvilleReally makes you reconsider all your life choices up to this point.

Leaving your coat in a pile of identical coats at a bar in the middle of winter. There should really be a system for this. 

Watching your neighbors at passive-aggressive war via "dibs." Can't we all just get along?

When you accidentally go to O'Hare instead of Midway to catch your Southwest flight. OOF.

Accidentally getting on the northbound Purple Line instead of the Brown at Belmont. Guess I'll just kick back and head to Evanston. 

When you have to take the Red Line and the Cubs are playing. Even worse: when the game just got out.

Seeing Divvy bikers without helmets. [extreme mom voice] "You're going to get yourself killed!"

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