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You don’t buy courtside seats to an NBA game. No, they are given to you by a CEO, a Pritzker, a game-show host or your Hollywood agent. Via my girlfriend’s boss, I came into possession of a Bulls floor seat in January. The first thing that strikes you, during the shoot-around, is the freakish proportions of pro ballers. That and how ugly their shoes are. But there’s a reason they don’t put the TV cameras on the ground: At close range, basketball is a muddled blur of colorful synthetic fabrics and muscles. As a tactics junkie, I missed seeing the pick-and-roll develop in the offense, the movements in a zone D. Hell, I just missed seeing the other end of the court. Instead, I got to see the sweaty back of the Mavericks’ Vince Carter, repeatedly, as he chucked up ill-advised threes. These fold-out chairs are for the paparazzi and tattoo spotters—for watching celebrities, not a sport. I’ll take a cushioned seat for hundreds of dollars less (courtside tix will cost you $1,050–$2,500) and watch the dance of Xs and Os, thank you.