25. Funny Feet
There’s nothing funny about feet, and chomping on one of these is a bit too close to sucking on a corpse’s toes.
If you hear some creepy carnival music ringing through the streets this weekend, don’t panic – it’s just your friendly neighbourhood ice-cream man, back from a winter spent hibernating in a nest of stale hot dog buns and Magnum wrappers.
Yes, ice-cream season is back. But what should you order? We’re glad you asked.
We know there are other brands, but we’re sticking with the big three – Wall’s, Nestlé and Mars – partly because they’re the ones you’re most likely to encounter but mostly because we haven’t got all bloody day here. If we’ve missed anything, it’s because you had it on holiday and they don’t do it in the UK, or we simply missed it because we’re too damn heat-crazed (aye, right) to think straight. So without further ado…
(Oh, and if you disagree with us, you are of course more than welcome to sound off in the comments.)
