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32 things Miamians do that make us asshole drivers

32 things Miamians do that make us asshole drivers
Photograph: Shutterstock

Miamians are known for being many things—sweaty, cleanse obssessed—but not safe drivers. And if we're being honest here, we're actually ruthless on the road. We will cut you off then flick you off for driving the speed limit. We're just not very nice—or safe—when we're behind the wheel. 

One thing you can't knock us for is honesty. We own up to our bad driving reputation: we have places to be and make no apologies for doing whatever it takes to make it on time. (Fine, 15 minutes late.) The next time you see someone doing one of these 32 asshole moves on the road, you can bet that person is from Miami. 

1. Not letting anyone merge—EVER.

2. Using the emergency lane as a proper lane, especially during rush hour.

3. Using the exit ramp as a passing lane.

4. Double-parking.

5. Placing an old meter receipt on the dash and praying the meter maid doesn’t see it.

6. Rolling through four-way stop signs. The other driver will stop, right?

7. Parking in the extra space of a disabled parking spot.

8. Moving traffic cones to get around.

9. Driving with a suspended or expired license.

10. Putting your flashers on in the rain.

11. Going in and out of express lanes.

12. Driving in the HOV lane without a passenger and/or a permit.

13. Sending your oldest child to save your parking spot while you circle back and get it. “My mom told me to stand here!”

14. Parking in the broken meter spot on purpose so you don’t have to pay.

15. Never letting nice cars merge: if you’re in a BMW or nicer, we’re going to be dicks to you.

16. Driving with the windows down and turning your music/bass up really, REALLY loud.

17. Pulling up next to someone, rolling the windows down and having a full conversation with the other driver and blocking traffic.

18. Speeding through the Sun Pass lane with a cover on your license plate so the camera doesn’t read your tag.

19. Following close behind an ambulance to catch all the green lights.

20. Not giving cyclists enough room to use the full bike lane.

21. Getting mad at bikers for generally existing.

22. Ladies: putting on a full face of makeup while driving.

23. Taking selfies while driving.

24. Speeding up to catch the yellow light.

25. Offering to pay someone off in the event of an accident. 

26. Getting mad at the other driver for something that’s your fault.

27. Never using a turning signal!

28. Honking at the person ahead of you at the stoplight for not speeding off the minute the light turns green.

29. Not realizing the light turned green because you were on your phone and getting mad at the person behind you for honking. 

30. Driving like a Miamian even when you're not in Miami. 

31. Getting mad at the person ahead of you because they're driving the speed limit. 

32. Disregarding a school zone, getting a ticket and fighting it in court. 

 

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