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5 reasons why dating in Miami is hard

By Mike Viera
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Dating in Miami is hard. Even rich guys trolling South Beach hotspots for their latest trophy wife will agree that a good catch is tough to land in these parts. If you're a regular dude in Miami, finding someone to hold your interest longer than a Snapchat video is nearly impossible. The same can be said for women, we're sure.

Curious to know what finding a mate in Miami is really like? Below is a non-exhaustive list, although reading it just might make you tired—or motivate you to relocate. 

1. People don’t read and lack intelligence. The city is known for its beautiful Miami beaches and South Beach clubs, not its libraries or its stimulating literary scene. Even Ernest Hemingway decided to head south and reside in the Florida Keys (and when that wasn’t far enough, he went to Cuba).

2. People like money, not people. Remember, girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money. Boys just like boobs.

3. Miami is a dangerous place. People are not friendly and if they are, we are oddly suspicious of them. Or we want to take advantage of them and rob them. Either way, it's a losing battle for safety. 

4. Everyone in Miami lives with their parents. Rent in Miami is very high and no one can afford to live alone. Luckily, everyone can afford to rent a hotel room and lease a Range Rover. The chances of the latter getting repossessed are high, however. 

5. No one in Miami speaks English. De pinga.

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