In the absence of actual fall or winter, people in Miami observe cuffing season differently than our friends in the north. The time to settle down in the 305 is hurricane season, which starts June 1. The string of soggy days to come are best spent indoors with someone you maybe, sort of like, watching Netflix and making plans for what you’ll do when the power goes out. Just kidding. He has a generator.
So with the dreaded hurricane season just two weeks away, some of you singles might need to turn up your dating game—especially if you live in a flood zone. Officially on the prowl? Whether you’re swiping right, picking up someone at a South Beach bar or getting set up, here’s some of what you can expect to hear on your next first date.
1. I go back to my country in two days.
2. You live six miles away? Sorry, that’s too far.
3. My ex and I are still really close, like best friends.
4. Hm, can you get my Uber home?
5. Let’s get bottle service!
6. Want to come over and watch a movie? I live with my parents, but they’re cool.
7. I’m going to have to cancel. My friends invited me on their boat. Sorry.
8. Do you have any coke on you?
9. I’m vegan.
10. Oh. You’re a Gemini?
11. I’m working on getting my green card.
12. I’m an Instagram model.
13. Want to see selfies of me with my dog?
14. I don’t think this is going to work out. How much money do you make again?
15. Think your company will mind if you expense our date?
16. This was fun, but you live in Kendall.
17. Can I spend the night? Traffic sucks right now.
18. You gonna finish that croqueta?
19. Do you mind walking me to my door? My abuela wants to meet you.
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