If there’s one thing that’s true about the restaurant scene in Miami, it’s that there’s always a new opening of something grand, something flashy—the place where everyone is going. Until tomorrow’s big opening, of course. Sexy Fish was the biggest of the new spots when it arrived in February 2022, a London export that went all out to make a dining experience that looks like nothing else.
The restaurant reportedly spent $20 million outfitting the place, money that allowed artist Damien Hirst, design firm Martin Brudnizki Studio, and architect Frank Gehry to go bonkers. The mind-boggling-huge dining room clocks in at 10,000 square feet and features an aquarium worth of octopus and glass fish that appear to jump and dance overhead positioned around a centerpiece two-story blue-flame block pillar. Above, a fresco on the ceiling looks like Picasso went and painted an ocean scene.
No color or texture invented by man is missed: The cushy booths are pink, the floor is underlit agate that looks like amoebas, the dramatic lighted posts by the windows are neon yellow, and the classic barstools are chartreuse. It’s all dazzling and unforgettable in ways that will make you say both wow and what the effing-eff. Don’t go, for instance, in the bathroom if you're tripping balls, because they look like an explosion at the crayon factory. In the pink-everywhere ladies’ room, purple mermaid tails hold up pearl seashell sinks. In the purple-blue men’s room, a manatee-sized pink octopus up and chills on a ledge across from a mannequin Daniel Craig in board shorts and scuba gear.
You should be here for dinner when the place will likely be something of a scene—and not just the diners but also the dishes.
Just like the vibe, the food here arrives looking extra blingy. Michelin-starred chef director Björn Weissgerber created a menu that’s Japanese-ish, featuring imported dishes like duck salad and black cod that made the London location popular with celebrities (but deemed “entirely forgettable” by The Guardian). A $130 omakase menu can be upgraded to a $240 premium selection of 10 items (because what are you doing here if not upgrading?). There’s also a lunch menu called kuikku (Japanese for quick) where $42 gets you four dishes from a page-sized list with items like crispy tofu, caramelized beef and kimchi fried rice.
But really, you should be here for dinner, when the place will likely be something of a scene—and not just the diners but also the dishes. Seriously, there’s a fish filet blanketed in edible gold and crispy (!!!) caviar. Why add flavorless gold to the fish? Perhaps you’d like to ask the baby blue swordfish protruding from the wall above.
The staff outfits absolutely match the place. Mermen patrol in lily-pad-green tux vests, while women get all manner of costumes, navels exposed from seashell bikini tops, sporting Little Mermaid-style jewelry and spiked headgear that says henchwoman for Ursula. While you’re there, a procession with flame-shooting sparklers may make rounds, a fish-themed belly dancer might wield scimitars, and/or a DJ with an oontz-oontz track will serve as a reminder that this is The Place.
Likewise, nothing arrives under-plated. The burrata looks dainty and cute in a bowl with a sunset-red kimchi sauce and an artful sprinkling of microgreens. The raw wagyu nigiri wears a Kentucky-Derby-level hat of colorful, fruity accoutrement. The caviar floats in a creamy sea, with shrimp chips and an adorable budding flower for color—described on the menu as “sexy condiments.” Sexy, by the way, is the adjective du jour, used to describe the croquette, the signature dish, and also the fruits de mer ($68 pp), because what has more sex appeal than a raw seafood selection served in an icy silver goblet with freaking octopus legs?
What will you think of Sexy Fish by the end of all this? We have no idea. But you won’t forget it. You’ll be talking about it. And, maybe, that’s the point.
