The only problem with Capitol Hill’s go-to comfort food spot is that you’ll have to get your hung-over arse outta bed early to beat the Barrack’s Row brunch crowd. But of course the place is crowded: At Ted’s you’ll find breakfast served all day and plates that will make you feel like a kid again without any judgment about overindulgence from your ma. Slip into one of the cozy leather booths, zone out to whatever old school movie the projection screen is playing, and order up a Mark on an Off Day—two eggs, a choice of bacon or sausage, toast, and pile of hash browns that will change your life. Ted’s grilled cheese and tomato soup is always a staple, and Nana’s beer biscuits and sausage gravy will have you saying, “Diet? What diet?” Speaking of dieting, there are house-made poptarts that are a must (the peanut-butter-bacon is a favorite). If you haven’t slipped into a calorie coma by the end of your meal, note that Ted’s serves up a long list of old-fashioned milkshakes with a grown-up twist: booze! Shakes are prepared in a steel can and served in a tall glass with toppings and a straw. The grasshopper (Kahlua and crème de menthe) or the Nutty Professor (hazelnut liqueur) can turn any day around. Stretchy pants are recommended, but not required.