Come New Year's Day we know our Facebook and Instagram feeds will be filled with a whole batch of newly engaged friends flashing off their rings as they said yes at the stroke of midnight. As happy as we are for them—no, really we are—as Chicagoans, there are a few things we'd much rather hear than "Will you marry me?"
1. "I bought a condo in Logan Square before the neighborhood gentrified—it has FOUR bedrooms."
2. "Just bring your laundry over, you can use my in-unit washer and dryer."
3. "My apartment has air conditioning."
4. "I'll go put our names in for a table at Lost Lake and you can meet me there in an hour."
5. "You can definitely use my Costco membership—and I'll gladly drive you there."
6. "I've got box seats for the Blackhawks game."
7. "Don't worry, I'll call the Uber."
8. "My fridge is always stocked with local beer."
9. "I shoveled your parking spot for you."
10. "Derrick Rose is healthy."
11. "My family has a lake house in Michigan. Let's go."
12. "I’ve got a Zipcar membership and I’d gladly drive you to IKEA and then put the furniture together for you."
13. "I've got a bottle of Dark Lord we can share."
14. "My apartment has a porch."
15. "I have an extra ticket for Lollapalooza if you want it."
16. "Help yourself to a doughnut."
17. "You don't have to go see my roommate's improv show with me."
18. "The museum is actually free today."