You're going to a street festival this summer and that's all there is to it.
And while you're there, you'll see a whole host of characters that seem to be fixtures at all Chicago summer festivals, no matter which you choose to attend. The people will be various incarnations of sad, happy, oblivious, in bizarre states of dress and undress. Of course, a select few are guaranteed to be an unfortunate hot mess. Most will just be regular Chicagoans having fun though, out people-watching like the rest of us.
One person there will be you.
Which will it be?
1. The person who forgot to apply sunscreen all day.
2. The guy who insists on drinking only cocktails served in a pineapple.
3. The girl wearing a cowboy hat and boots for some inexplicable reason.
4. The guy walking around with corncob kernels in his beard.
5. The dad with a double stroller angrily apologizing to everyone he bumps into.
6. Hippie woman with a flowered headband dancing all by herself and/or on drugs.
7. Barely Scottish guy re-appropriating his heritage with a kilt.
8. Really hairy dude in a tank top.
9. Really hairy dude without a shirt.
10. Really hairy dude with something shaved into his chest and/or back.
11. Person puking into a trash can in broad daylight while their friends watch mortified, remorseless, at a distance.
12. The lost, barefoot wanderer.
13. The guy wearing his pet bird or snake on his shoulder.
14. The person who buys you a drink, says they're from Chicago, but later tells you they're from Peoria.
15. The person who just won't stop smacking a beach ball around.
16. The lonely, frustrated guy in the newspaper subscription booth who just wants to talk to someone, anyone.
17. The drunk person sitting on the curb and having a very loud, sad breakdown.
18. The pack of stoned teenagers.
19. The guy arguing with security over the liquor he tried to sneak in in his underwear.
20. The band groupies there for the band that isn't even a real band.
21. The actual cover band, Sixteen Candles.
22. Stoned white guy with dreads down to his knees.
23. The people who try to get in by walking briskly past the gate.
24. Old man with U-shaped sweat stains on his front and back.
25. Butt crack.