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5 Chicagoans more deserving of a hot tub than the Lincoln Park Zoo's monkeys

Written by
Clayton Guse

During the fall, Chicagoans melted over the baby sea otter adopted by the Shedd and then voted to name her Luna. Today, local animal lovers are going bananas over the Lincoln Park Zoo's latest exhibit: a group of Japanese snow monkeys lounging in a hot tub and playing on a hill.

The exhibit, named the Regenstein Macaque Forest, was a part of a $15 million menu of improvements to the zoo.

While it's great to see the little fuzz balls enjoying their new home, one can't help but be envious. This winter, like most in Chicago, has been damn cold, and few people have immediate access to a hot tub.

Here are five Chicagoans who are more deserving of a subsidized hot tub than those freeloading bug-eaters in Lincoln Park:

1. Karen Lewis: The president of the Chicago Teachers Union was at the center of the city's political theater until October, when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor and was forced to nip her mayoral bid in the bud. With or without her medical condition, anyone who butts heads with Rahm like Lewis has deserves a city-funded hot tub.

2. Jeanne Gang: The woman behind Gang Studios, which designed the Aqua Building and has been commissioned to design what will become the city's third largest building, has had a busy decade. Our hats are off to her for the stunning changes that she's made to Chicago's skyline. 

3. Bob Mariano: The man who left Dominick's only to run them out of town a decade later has brought a slew of great grocery stores to the Chicago area. While one might be able to argue that Mariano's Fresh Market is nothing more than a Jewel in a pretty skirt, the chain has filled some gaping food deserts in the city. Take a soak, Bob.

4. Jeff Tweedy: Wilco hosted a six-night "Winterlude" at the Riviera Theatre in December, and the band's frontman did not disappoint. After spending a good chunk of 2014 touring behind his solo record, Tweedy did not miss a step with his old bandmates. He represents Chicago as well as anyone, and deserves to be submersed in 100-degree water whenever he pleases.

5. Rick Hahn: The White Sox general manager quietly turned the South Side club into a World Series contender during the offseason. The moves made by Theo Epstein and the Cubs pale in comparison to those of Hahn, and the White Sox are poised to make their first playoff run in the better part of a decade. He got his hands dirty this offseason, and needs a metaphorical and literal bath. Granted, most major league clubhouses come equipped with one.

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