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6 wrestlers Billy Corgan will never be

Written by
Nick Kotecki
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Billy Corgan is bringing the same enthusiasm to wrestling he has brought to The Smashing Pumpkins: he just won't let the dream die.

It was announced today that Corgan will join Total Nonstop Action Wrestling and, no, he won't be slanging pile drivers anytime soon.

Instead, he'll be where the air conditioning is, manning the helm of "Senior Producer, Creative and Talent Development" for TNA's "Impact Wrestling" show.

What that means is he will shape the story lines of Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy and other wrestlers not popular enough or too disenfranchised with the WWE, the mainstay of professional wrestling entertainment.

Just last fall Corgan called it quits with his own Chicago-area wrestling league, RESISTANCE Pro, after a TV deal fell through with AMC. "Impact Wrestling" has its own with Destination America, which is owned by Discovery Communications, the same good people who brought you Nik Wallenda's Windy City tightrope walk and tricked you into watching the hour-long anaconda flop "Eaten Alive."

The odds of Corgan getting sweaty in the ring are slim, you know, with him re-gaining his baby fat and all, so we compiled some imagined personas if he decides to drop the guitar and pick up the spandex.

Macho Man

College Grappling Stud

True American Gladiator

Greco-Roman Heracles

This is what a "Siamese Dream" submission hold looks like.

Lucha Libre

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