On Saturday, a horde of cereal-covered drunks will descend upon Wrigleyville for the 20th annual 12 Bars of Christmas, also known as "TBOX," in a massive party that makes The Walking Dead look like a Disney movie. Despite the name, way more than a dozen bars participate in the daylong pub crawl. More than 40 establishments across Lakeview and Lincoln Park will host thousands of patrons dressed in yuletide garb, looking to recapture the shame of their freshman year of college.
TBOX runs from 8am (yes, people will begin binge drinking just an hour after the sun rises) to 8pm. If you're not attending, you should avoid Wrigleyville and the surrounding area at all costs. Unless you're really into losing your faith in humanity, you're better off spending your Saturday in any other neighborhood in the city.
In an effort to help you avoid the scene, we put together this handy map that shows all of the bars participating in the event. You should give yourself at least a two-block buffer from these places if you want to miss the mayhem, as there's a good chance TBOX attendees will wander the area disheartening every sober person they pass. Whatever you do, do not get on the 22 Clark bus—that's sure to resemble a ferry crossing the River Styx.