Navigating the strange, vexing world of Tinder can be a difficult task for a man. While guys don't have to deal with the level of harassment or douchebaggery that women experience on the app, there is still a psychological gauntlet that comes with swiping right. Here are the 10 types of women you're going to encounter on the app.
RECOMMENDED: The 10 guys you'll meet on Tinder
1. The Girl with Commitment Issues
You will talk about getting a drink, but you never actually do. She is either “crazy busy," has been “traveling a lot for work” or “hasn’t been on in a while” even though her status says she’s been active in the past day. You have good conversations and talk about meeting, but it never happens. She’s so tied up that even the thought of a drink proposed electronically gives her the willies.
2. The Girl Not Looking for a Hookup
She will post on her profile that she is not looking for a hook up, but when you actually meet she's looking for exactly that. You get a drink, you meet and then she’s moving things back to your place. As if! I am a gentleman! Sometimes these girls actually mean it and are looking for the man of their dreams—on Tinder.
3. The Height-obsessed Girl
Your conversation immediately goes from “Hi” to “How tall are you?” And she isn’t shy about blocking you if she doesn’t like your answer mid-conversation. She might follow with “Sorry, I love to wear heels,” to which I usually counter with, “How much do you weigh?” It’s usually met with good humor.
4. The Ghost
You will talk frequently, sometimes daily, and then she disappears. A few days or perhaps months later, she will send you a message as if she never left. She will just resume the conversation as if a day hasn’t passed. It’s like you had a pen pal during the War, and you just figured things had gotten bad in Bastogne, so you just resume talking.
5. Xtreme Girl
She posts photos of her skydiving, hang gliding, kayaking and participating in other extreme outdoor sports. In another photo, she's casually chilling with a Bengal tiger. The Valtrex genital herpes commercials show people doing the same thing.
6. The Tinder Bot
She is looking for “roses” (roses are code for paid sex) or she says something witty and funny like, “You remind me of a candle, I want to blow you." When you respond she sends you a message how to reach her on an escort site. It's quite the blow to the ego when you match with an attractive lady who then asks you for your credit card number. But it had to be too good to be true, right?
7. The Mute
You will send her a message and she will never respond. Either she’s of afraid of human contact or you were an accidental swipe. She is like most Cubs seasons. At first you feel really good about it, and then it’s over before it started.
8. The Faceless Weirdo
Her avatar is a picture of a Shih Tzu and her profile reads “must love dogs!” If she does post a picture of herself she has a mask on.
9. 'Burbs Girl
She says she lives in Chicago, and then says it’s technically the Western Suburbs. She claims that you should “come out to the 'burbs more for a visit.” This would be great, if you knew the difference between Downers Grove, Buffalo Grove and Morton Grove.
10. The Stalker
She will tell you she’s Googled you, watched your YouTube videos and knows your profession. Then to justify it, she'll say something like, “You can never be too careful” or "I've never seen Single White Female."